My Debut Back to Singlehood

Ugh... To be single again... ya know... it was once considered the "in" thing. In fact, I'm sure that there may be a few of my married friends out there a little envious of the position I find myself in once again.

I for one am not necessarily convinced.

Don't get me wrong... I can be single. I can even enjoy being single. I enjoyed my single moments... I really did... And even now I know that I will enjoy every moment of being single... because Damnit... I'm going to Seize the Day Baby!

I did go out tonight for the first time in a very long time. Which was good but apparently over the past year and a half I have become incredibly accustomed to the domesticated life and have lost practice in the ways of getting ready for a night out on the town...

I got all dressed up.... You know how it goes... looking good... feeling sassy... And then I realized that I hadn't set up the sprinklers. So after I finished the final touches and found myself ready to go, I headed outside to set them up and get them going on my half dead lawn that I'm still working (very hard might I add) to raise back to life.

You wouldn't think that this would be a big task... but imagine trying to do all of this in heels. Now... not rocket science mind you... but I'm setting up the lawn... and I had turned on the water already because I wanted to adjust it to hit just the right spots... and that's when I realized that I was dead center in the path of the sprinkler as it came around.

Now most people in my situation would run... but I was stunned by the irony in all of it. Here I was... all dressed for my debut back into singlehood and I had a sprinkler quickly approaching me.

Oh yes... as you can imagine... it came right for me... and all I could do was laugh and shake my head as I let the water soak me through the outfit I had so carefully picked out for the evening.

It was as if the universe was laughing at me going "Sucker!"!!!

All I could do was giggle as I ran quickly into the house to throw my outfit in the dryer.

Anywho... it did turn out to be a wonderful night and I laughed most of it so perhaps this single thing isn't so bad after all...

Thank you Kendra... it was much needed and I had a blast...

My Little Runner Girl

On August 09, 2008 Abby, Joshua and I all ran together in the Harvest Days 5K right here in Midvale. As we started out the race Abby darted off and we only saw her once during the entire race. Turns out as we were bringing up the rear right in front of the sag wagon (Josh is convinced he hates running at this point) Abby had run her little heart out and finished way ahead of us.

She placed 3rd in her age division and took home the Bronze medal.

You are awesome Abby! Just added proof that you my dear can accomplish anything you put your mind to!

That's My Girl!

Beauty

One of the greatest perks we have here in the great state of Utah is the opportunity to be right at the foot of some rather gorgeous mountains.

I have found that living here a number of years one tends to take them for granted as we go about our business from day to day... I myself am guilty of this as I catch glimpses here and there but rarely taking the opportunity to just take it all in.

Last night I decided to go for a swim and as I was coming out of the exit of the pool I just happened to look up as the mountain range that rises not more than a few miles from where I was standing... It was a sight to behold as the setting sun threw a warm light over the peaks of the mountains in such a way that it set them on fire.

It was an absolutely breathtaking sight and I just stood there for a moment staring at the wonder of it all. If that wasn't enough, as I was making my way home I turned the corner to head west and I encountered the most beautiful sunset I think I have ever experienced here in Utah.

The sight brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't take my eyes away from it.

The beauty of it, you see, was not in just the sunset itself, but in the surrounding factors that contributed to what I was witnessing...

That day in Utah there was a massive fire in the hills to the south of us and with the winds blowing through the valley it was spreading the smoke and ash throughout the wasatch front. The added smoke and ash in the air cause the reflection of the sun going down to dance in brilliant red and yellow light as it peered out from behind the dark profile of the western mountains.

It never ceases to amaze me how much beauty there is to find in life... even in the midst of distructive forces.

The Sign...

It's truly remarkable how events tend to lay themselves out so eloquently, just enough to make you think that there could be something bigger at work... some mysterious force that eludes to much more than mere coincidence.

My parents came for a visit last week to see their grandkids. This is something they have often done when given the opportunity... but this time felt different somehow... something in their voices...

They assured me that it was not a death in the family (which it often is when they want to share more than two words with me or any of the other siblings who have followed me into the world of darkness) so I wasn't worried about that, but as I awaited their arrival I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive.

Ten years it has been since I made the decision to leave behind the beliefs and the life of my childhood... My "inheritance" as my dad tenderly calls it. The wall was put up that day and has been up ever since.

You see, We Iarussi's are great at putting up a tough guard when we have experienced hurt in our lives... it's one of the the things that makes us strong... Ironically it also serves as one of our greatest weaknesses as we fight the urge to shut off from the world around us... shut out the things that matter most to us but could hurt us most.

When we met up with my parents for this particular visit, on this particular day, something was very different. The walls were gone... for that brief moment in time our parents were back.

Throughout the day we proceeded to talk... about love, about life, about pain and ultimately about their devoted love to us and the desire to have us in their lives again. There were moments of healing... and moments of understanding...

For the first time in the ten years since the walls went up I felt as if we were all in a place of forgiveness and honesty. A place where we could accept one another as we were... without any other factors... to finally mend the wounds we had incurred through the decade long silence that had existed between us.

I left that night in a state of shock... healed... confused... and thankful for every moment of it.

The story had not changed you see, it was the same as always... They want us back... and they want us back now. But the love was there... and it was a love that only "Family" brings... and it's something that I had not felt in a very long time... and it deeply affected me.

I prayed that night... to a God I no longer believe in... the God of my childhood. I prayed for clarity and the strength to move forward in the right direction... no matter what the direction might be.

I spent that night alone... no one to listen to the feelings that were pouring from my heart. No one to wipe my tears and to tell me that with each new day... comes a new sense of clarity and hope. I must admit that I was more confused by the experience than anything. One would hope for clarity with an experience like this but I was only left with more questions...

The next few days were a bit crazy as I was still in a swirl of emotion and tears that could have just as easily been related to chemical imbalance as anything else... but I did look forward to sharing the experience with you... the one person I shared everything with. The one that I had finally learned to trust my heart with...

You arrived that night... and I knew immediately that something wasn't right

The moment our eyes met, I could tell that something was different, and it sent a chill through me that I had never felt before.

During the ride home you said you had changed... and I listened intently as you went on about the events of the past couple of weeks... all the while rolling over the events of the past few moments where you had swiftly packed the bags... where you had seemingly forgotten the hugs and kisses that symbolized the welcome return to home. I tried not to put too much energy into the fact that the girls could not bring themselves to look at me.

And then the bubble burst...

Your eyes were distant... almost cold... as if the walls that I had felt for so many years with my family were suddenly here... with you... the place that they least belonged... and yet... there were there... almost clearly visible.

What we had shattered into a thousand tiny moments that night as you shared the stories of your own moment of clarity... the clarity that lead you to end all that we had worked so hard together to achieve... and in as quickly as it had started... it was over...

And again... I am left in silence.

Lucas Ian Phillips

"Of all the joys that lighten suffering earth, what joy is welcomed like a newborn child?"
Dorothy L. Nolte

The Little Prince Has Arrived...

Lucas Ian Phillips has entered the world and the world will be forever changed...

Welcome Little Prince!

(P.S. - I'll post pics soon)

Lesson Learned

A while back we had an incident with several of the kids leaving objects all over the floor. In an attempt to help them appreciate the risks associated with doing this we gave them all a writing assignment.

The assignment was simple... Abby and Victoria would work together on one essay and Josh and Alaina would work on the other. The essay had to be two full notebook pages long and the topic was "Why You Should NEVER Leave Stuff On The Floor".

I decided to post them so that I could share them with you all as it was one of the more amusing forms of discipline we have encountered so far.

I've left the original grammar and spelling in for your enhanced experience... Enjoy!

ESSAY by Victoria and Abby

You shouldn't leave som-thing dangerous like a tac, pencil, or scissors on the floor. These are some reasons why. Frist, you can get poked and bleed. Second, you can slip. Lastly, you can hurt someone by falling on to them. Saporting the first reason,(you an bleed to death, you can be rushed to the hospital in a ambulance with family and friends worrieng about you.

Helping the second, reason(you can slip), you can slip. near a counter or something hard and crack your head open.

Saporting the last reason(you can. hurt someone by falling on to them.) you can fall on to them and they can get hurt with you when it was your fault in the furst place.There are many reasons why leaving sharpodjects on the floor is dangeroys and is not nice to other people that visit or family that live with you.

These are many reasons why you and I should never leave somthinvg sharp on the floor again.

-----------------------------

ESSAY By: Alaina Fister

You're walking in your house on a Monday morning all groggy and... OUCH! You stepped on a pencil that your child left on the ground! GRRRRRR... Now you have a piece of lead sticking out of your toe. All because of a careless mistake! (You have to go to the hospital).

There are many reasons why leaving sharp objects on the floor is a treacherous idea. First and most obviously, someone can get hurt & maybe have to go to the hospital (see 1st paragraph for example). If it gets stuck inside your skin it would be very painful to get out.

Second, you can lose that object. Let's say someone accidently kicks the sharp object under a couch. If they don't notice, it can be gone.

Third, you can break or ruin the object . You could step on a $20 DVD or CD & it would be gone forever. You may not get hurt but thats just like ripping a $20 dollar bill in half because that DVD is gone!

Overall leaving sharp objects on the floor is plainly a SICK idea. People can get hurt; you can break that object, (like a CD or DVD). You can also lose that object. Leaving objects on the ground is a horrible idea.

Big Things... Small Packages

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

- Albert Einstein

Xmas w/ the Kids

PC251048
Originally uploaded by CurlyQT.

It seems like only yesterday when we were the kids living life in this magical world where anything seemed possible... and now, as I look into the eyes of our kids... Memories of that long lost world somehow come flooding back to me.

Perhaps the magical world I once knew hasn't completely faded away

:)

Wow... Has it Been That Long?

Well as you can see, it's been a bit busy lately and I have had a very difficult time trying to find a moment or two to collect my thoughts and bring them together to form anything of interest to write.

Lots of stuff going on! Too much it seems most days... And yet, I'm always trying to add more. My boss said it's one of my endearing traits... I volunteer for everything regardless of what it is, and then I end up drowning myself in too many things going on. I guess I just work best under pressure... although my heart seems to be telling me I need to slow down a bit. I got a checkup not too long ago and my blood pressure was far too high for comfort. So I have been really really trying to slow things up a bit (the key word here is "trying").

The funny thing is, I have had these great ideas for things I have wanted to write about. Lots of thoughts, and ideas that have been rolling through my mind over the past couple of months, and although I have the desire to share them with all of you, I cannot for the life of me remember what it was I wanted to blab about. So I'm hoping that one of these days it will come flooding back to me and I'll be able to throw it out here for the world to read.

I did finish this amazing book recently called, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". It proved to be quite the read and definitely got the brain going about stuff that I tend to keep packed away in the little dark corners of my mind. Definitely one to challenge your thought process and ideals about the things one places value in in this world.

I haven't ever really considered myself to be a philosophy nut, although, after reading it, I found myself completely fascinated and actually continued to think about it for days and even now will think about it now and then. Just little random thoughts and ideas about what makes us tick as human beings... the different factors that play a part in our perception and experience of the world. What's not fascinating about that?

I decided to take a break from the heavier reads for the time being and take on something a bit lighter so I'm now reading "The Davinci Code". Yes, ok, so I'm a tad behind the times... But hey, at least I haven't seen the movie yet. I have practiced great restraint, knowing that as with all movies based on books, watching the movie would only destroy the experience of reading the book... and as we all know, the books are always better anyways.

Let's see... what else?

This fall has brought out a different side of me. I have been a tad more quiet lately. A bit more of a loner, which... if you have ever met me is quite odd for me. Most of the time I'm very uncomfortable spending more than short bits of time with myself. They say that you can't truly find happiness in this life until you are able to sit with yourself and just be. I guess I haven't mastered that art because I find myself to be rather sad and yes... even a bit dull.

Still... there are moments when I do find peace with my thoughts. One of those moments was the other day as I was driving home over the weekend. Heading home to enjoy a relaxing afternoon at home. I was driving past this small cemetary in my neighborhood when I noticed a funeral going on.

There was nothing really special about the funeral, although on this particular day, it seemed fascinating to me and I found myself slowing down as I passed by... just so that I could watch this group of complete strangers as they mourned their love one.

I can't quite explain what the cause was, but I felt more calm and content in that moment then I have felt in a long time. It was a tad alarming... mainly because my past was filled with so much fear of death and the unknown abyss that follows, that to find myself being calmed by this scenario was a bit weird.

Could it be that I have made my peace with the inevitable fate that awaits every single one of us? Could be.

Nevertheless... it was a great moment... and as I drove away from the scene and continued on with this little life of mine.... I smiled.

:)

G

Family Reunion

Once upon a time, there was a normal family... ok, maybe not normal, but as normal as one would hope for a family to be...

Oh sure it was crazy at times. Sometimes we hated one another, and sometimes we wanted to trade one another out with other families we thought were perhaps a bit "cooler" than ours... but for the most part, our family was the family to be a part of... complete with big family dinners, lots of hugs and kisses, and just enough disfunction thrown in to keep things interesting.

That was life growing up for me... It was safe... it was secure... and it was home.

That was 11 years ago...

Since then, the entire concept of family has become completely foreign to me. Looking back on my childhood memories, most of the time it feels as if they aren't even mine... as if I'm dreaming the life of someone I once knew or read about once or saw in one of those cheesy movies that somehow always concluded with a happy ending.

Could it be that these memories actually belong to me?

My experience of "Family" since then is very different now. I do catch glimpses of it on occasion. Usually it's when I'm with my friends and I'm watching the interaction between them and their loved ones...

Being invited to join in on the special holiday dinners where the whole family gets together and laughs about Uncle John's impeccable timing when it came to bodily noises or reminisces aabout holidays of old while playing cards and sipping hot apple cider.

Watching a mom look upon her son with such love and concern, knowing that her role is so different now that he is all grown up and completely in control of his own life. Observing as she fights back the urge to grab him into her arms and just hold him to her in that special place where nothing can hurt him... nothing can break his heart... where she can wipe the tears away... kiss the bumps and bruises, and all the pain just disappears into that place where all fears and childhood monsters go when moms are around.

I have found through the years that these types of experiences bring up this weird sense of fear in me and I become completely uncomfortable around it. It's as if I have this unspoken dread that if I was to truly open up and allow myself to relish in these "family moments" (even though not my own)... that in some way, I would betray these ancient memories of the family I once knew... the ghosts of my past.

I have succeeded (for the most part) at shoving most of these feelings under the rug. After all, I'm the grown up now, with my own kids. Now the priority for me is to give my children the family that I know I will never again experience in my own life... and it works... for the majority of the time.

That is... until the past comes rushing back to me and I'm forced once again to deal with it face to face.

This week, on their way back to our home town to attend a family member's graduation, my estranged parents and sisters decided to stop in to see the only grandkids they know. This of course means that they will inevitably have to interact with two of the three children that they have removed completely from their life (I believe the term they used long ago was that we were "dead" in their eyes).

It was a minor inconvenience that was easily managed by making us feel like total shit while they played with the kids and spoiled them with all the great things that grandparents can get away with giving to their grandkids when they know they don't have to deal with them during the nightly bedtime ritual that only happens once they are long gone.

As I sat there that evening, watching my children interact with their Grandparents and Aunties, FROM ACROSS THE RESTAURANT (Apparently there is a "No Eat" rule when dealing with "Dead" children)... watching these people who have become all but strangers to me, play innocently with my kids as though the world was nothing less than perfect, I started to realize how disrespectful the entire situation was... and I actually felt furious... not so much that it was happening... but more at the fact that I had allowed it to happen! ONCE AGAIN!

Sitting here writing this, even now, I have all these great ideas about what I should have said to them... all the smart remarks I could have made to the brother-in-law that I have never "officially" met, who spent the entire visit glaring at me from a distance. All the smart retorts I could have made in response to my fathers insistent rants about "The Truth" and the scriptural principles that allow them to act the way they do with us... and of course, no visit would be complete without bringing up that at one point I too had knowledge of these principles... silly me... I forgot that verse in Psalms where it states "Thou shall not break bread with sinners". (ARE YOU SENSING THE SARCASM HERE???)

But no matter how much I plan on saying... no matter how much I psyche myself up to tell them where they can shove their biblical principles... I find myself completely shut down and withdrawn from them and the entire situation altogether.

At this point in my life, I have become completely numb to them... so much in fact, that after all was said and done, and my father was hugging me and kissing me on the cheek... whispering "I Love You" in my ear... I could say nothing.

No I love you... No "FUCK YOU DAD!"... Nothing...

At this point in the story I'm sure you are wondering to yourself why anyone in the world would put up with such madness? Why I didn't stand up for myself and make them pay the consequences for their rediculous belief systems? WHY? WHY? WHY?

The only answer I have lies HERE

As I watched the joy that went through my kids faces... and the joy felt by these people who were once my entire world... my everything... I cannot imagine myself saying no to it.

After all... for better or worse... We Are Family

Things Left Unsaid...

So the other day, at the end of a rather stressful work week, and after a flood of climactic events that left me feeling ready to run from the building never to return, I found myself in a conference room, in a full on rant with the Manager of the project I have been spending the majority of my waking hours working on.

It's funny, he had initially asked to talk to me about the events to make sure I understood what had occurred and to make sure I was alright about everything...

As you can imagine, my initial reaction to the discussion was to carry on in a politically correct manner and just do the typical nod and smile and blow it off as if everything was great. Knowing full well that my every facial gesture, and the fact that I was visibly upset to the point of tears had completely betrayed my pathetic attempts.

The fact of the matter is... I'm not a big fan of this guy. I think he treats his team like shit, and I have very little respect for his management style. But there was no way in hell I was going to tell him what I really thought. Hell his own team members even knew better then to mess with the guy.

And yet, what eventually came of the conversation was more than either one of us expected and I eventually did just that.

The reality is... I was completely out of line... I knew it... He knew it... and yet, once I started, I could not stop until it was all out there on the table.

In all honesty, it was one of the more refreshing moments I have experienced in the corporate world up to this point. Along with that it was probably the most terrifying one as well... So terrifying in fact, that I spent most of the weekend wondering if I would even have a job come Monday morning.

However, Monday came and went, and I worked from home... hoping to avoid any initial ugliness that was to come my way. By Tuesday, I had determined that I would try to make the best of the situation, apologize for being so brash with him, and hopefully preserve the relationship between development and QA enough to make it through this project.

During the course of the discussion, he proceeded to tell me that the thing that affected him most about our conversation, wasn't so much the things that I said to him (although they did play a part)... but that I had initially refused to share with him my true feelings. That I would have walked out of that room without telling him what I truly thought.

It wasn't until then that I started to get a clear picture the situation, as well as the roles we both played in it.

At that moment... for possibly the first time since I had started working for this company, I saw this Manager as a human being... an actual person... flesh and blood, with the same fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities that we all feel on a daily basis but most often hide from each other as we go about our daily lives.

Since that day, that discussion keeps going through my mind over and over, and I can't help but wonder, if through all of our hiding... and the fronts we try to put on, if abiding by the law of political correctness and the things better left unsaid, we are actually hurting one another, and ourselves more then if we were to be completely up front and honest.

I can think of several instances recently where, because of some insecurity, or fear, I have kept quiet the things rolling through my head. Most often with those I care most about.

Granted, I have tried to be more open with the people around me... almost to a fault. In fact, some people think that I'm almost too open. As "Sex and the City" so gracefully put it, I tend to be emotionally slutty with the people I care most about.

I guess the question that keeps going through my head is...

Do people deep down really want to know the full truth? Or is the truth too often to much to take?

What about me? If I could know the full truth, would I really want to know... and could I handle it?

Oh well, I guess it is somewhat relative to whatever situation one is dealing with. Perhaps, as with most things in life, the right answer is completely dependent on the situation it's relating to.

I know that in matters of professionalism, there is such a thing as too much honesty... even though this experience has allowed me to relax a little on that... however, it does make me think about the other aspects of my life... particularly those that deal with the matters of the heart.

Celebrations Galore

Well after a long week, I ended up having a great weekend.

Ran a 5k and, miracle of all miracles, placed third for my age class. Go figure. I even got a little medal! :)

On top of that, My Gal Pal Michele decided to throw a little get together at her place complete with a great group of people, the most amazing fondue spread I have ever had the pleasure of partaking of, and of course... MARTINIS! :)

Yes, it was a night of laughing... a little bit of crying... and well... I'll stop there...

After all, I could tell you the rest... but then I would have to kill you.

Mua ha ha ha ha! Thanks Michele!

What Do I Want???

Yes, there it is... the one question to top them all. The one question that is posed so often in life, and yet to have an answer to it seems so out of reach most of the time.

I can't tell you how many times I have been asked that question in my life. From friends, lovers, enemies... and most often, myself. The bit of comedy surrounding this is that of those who have posed this question to me, most of them would tell you that my answer was always the ever so classic Gwen line "I Don't Know". (And yes, for those of you who know me, I know you are snickering as you read this.)

The other side to this is that in all those cases, my answer of "I Don't Know" was truly the most honest answer I had to give ... because in all reality I had absolutely no clue what I wanted.

Looking at where I am now, I realize that I still struggle with the answer to that question... and perhaps I always will. After all, even if I was to know precisely what I want at this very moment, isn't it possible that at some point in the future, whether it be a few minutes from now or years down the road, that the whole concept of "What I Want" will completely change?

So you are probably scratching your head at this point and wondering to yourself, "Dear Lord, What Does She Want?"

And my answer is this....

I want what every woman wants...

World Peace

And... Oh yeah... A man in my life with the looks of Brad Pitt, the understanding of what I really need, and the desire to make my every wish come true...

Uhhh hummm...

OK... Ok... I know it's a little far fetched...

I'm really ok with settling for the Brad Pitt part... (snicker)

So what is it really that I want?

What I can say is this...

I know that I long to be inspired... not just by some cheesy self help book or some sappy movie I watch... but to truly be inspired, by everything... and not just the big things, but by the little things... The smiles from my beautiful kids... the way the air changes when the seasons change... the sound the wind makes as it rustles through the leaves of my trees... absolutely all of it.

I do realize that the only thing keeping me from that is me. Because it's out there... staring me right in the face... shouting at me with everything it's got... but I have to be open to it. I have to be willing to see it... to hear it... and to feel it.

I know that I also long to be inspiring. To be the type of person that touches the lives around me in a way that it makes them long to experience life to the fullest. I think about so many people who have inspired me in my life...each one in their own way. Some of them I have known for years... others perhaps I know only from a meeting of eyes as we crossed in a crowded place, or as I watched them perform some small miracle that, most of the time, would be completely overlooked.

Perhaps it's not so complex as it seems... perhaps the answers to life really are as simple as just opening one's eyes to the beauty that surrounds each and every one of us every moment of the day.

What To Do...

I could try to tell you what I'm feeling today

But it would only chase you away

... and by the time you realize and truly understand

It will be too late

Have I been putting this off????

Perhaps... hmmm... Maybe?... Probably...

Well, ok, so I came home early from work today because we had a massive rain storm and the power went out. Since my livelihood is completely reliant on the ability to work on a computer, it provided the perfect cover for my otherwise very unproductive day.

So here I sit... trying to figure out what to type. Has a lot happened in life? Yeah I guess you could say life has been busy as usual... and I'm sure I could write about a lot... unfortunately, I just haven't been much in the mood to write about it at all.

Maybe it's because I'm just too lazy to take the time to think about it, or perhaps it's a little more difficult to deal with my feelings if I end up having to read them in black and white... regardless as you can see there hasn't been much to read on this blog.

(Twiddling my Thumbs)

I'm 29 now... another year gone. It's hard to look back at this year and be glad with where I am at or be proud of how far I have come. I guess I just don't feel like I have gone anywhere... and in a sense, I am ok with that... well at least to a certain extent.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going in life... and that tends to be a cause of frustration to me. Nothings set in stone. There's not much security there right now... and it's not just relationship wise... although that does play a part. I guess the frustration is because here I am, my entire future ahead of me... for me to take hold of and do with whatever I wish, and all I can find the energy to do with it is to sit back and mope about where I'm at right now. I know I know... doesn't make much sense to me either.

I have a great man in my life... but he's not mine... probably never will be... Or I guess what hurts more than that isn't so much that he won't be mine... but that I'll never be his. Most days, it's really ok, and I love the moments that we do share. But every once in a while, it just hurts.

I missed being single for so long while I was married and here I am... completely single, and all I can do is mope about how I'm single. How pathetic is that? I keep telling myself that I'm a strong woman, and that I don't need any man in my life to make my life complete or make me happy. I convince myself of this on occasion, and for a time, it's ok... but other days... it's just lonely.

It's ok though... I am really trying to break that cycle... Trying to do the "Get the fuck over it" routine with myself and get thinking about something a little more positive in my life.

I'm hoping to get more involved in Abby and Joshie's school this year. So that will be good. I have also recently taken up running. Which is odd to me, since for the most part, running is not something I have enjoyed doing in the past. Lately though, it's provided the perfect opportunity to get outside... get exercising and take a few minutes out of my day to just be with myself... something that has been increasingly difficult for me to do up to now.

Anyways, other than that it's life as normal. Kind of boring I'm sure, but who ever said life was glamorous? ;)

Going out for a run...

CIAO!

What If?

What If?

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

What if I got it wrong
And no poet or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in you life

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

- ColdPlay

I go through these moments when the "What Ifs" tend to get the best of me. Right now I feel as if that's especially true.

Colors of Pride!

Colors of Pride!
Originally uploaded by CurlyQT.

In the sheltered state of Utah, if you haven't had the opportunity to attend Pride I would highly recommend it.

This is one of those moments when you see people at their best... Real... Raw... Dropping the walls of judgement and fear and coming together to celebrate the differences within ourseives and the diversity within the world around us.

One of my top Utah experiences to date! :)

Happy Pride Everyone!

Now if those aren't the best looking kids... :)

There are these perfect moments in life, when I can't help but stare in wonder at these most beautiful and perfect little people that I feel so fortunate to have in my life.

Most often, I find myself learning more about the wonders of life from them then I ever could have imagined... and I can't help but smile.

It Must Be Spring!

Abby's Spring Performance was tonight...

It's amazing to watch her grow before my very eyes. One minute I'm holding her for the first time and the next she is living her own little life.

I'm grateful for every day I have you in my life baby girl