To each of you...

This Holiday...

"May you wake up each morning feeling refreshed and renewed, totally inspired and invigorated by the new day's light, knowing that wonderful things are about to happen.

My you breathe in and fully celebrate each precious moment of your life while it's happening, knowing that the present is all we really have.

May you be as nurturing and gentle with yourself as you are with others.

May laughter permeate your heart, mind, and spirit.

May you share your pure inner joy and peace all around you, radiating hope and light to everyone you meet.

May you care less about your outward appearance and acquiring more posessions, but more about the beauty and richness inside of you.

May you love truly, deeply, and completely with all of your heart and soul.

May you give generously and receive joyously, gracefully, gratefully.

May you feel alive and free to be authentic and true to who you really are.

May you be strong and resilient and know from the bottom of your heart that you have within you all that you need to create the life you dream and desire.

May you find deep fulfillment and genuine happiness day after day after day, fully experiencing and celebrating your life with passion and exhilaration!"

- Unknown

Have a wonderful holiday season friends!

My Adventures at STPCon 2010

Introduction: below you will find my very first official article submission. After a couple of tweeks I ended up submitting it to the STPCon Social Media director and so we'll see how it's received. Regardless, I had fun writing it and whether or not they choose to use it or not, I am throwing it on here for the world to see.

Enjoy, and feel free to leave feedback! I love hearing what my readers have to say! :)

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I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a “noob” when it comes to the technology conference scene. In fact, with the exception of a few local Agile conferences I have attended over the years, I have steered clear of them up to this point. There always seems to be a reason not to go. Whether it be the money, the time away... the never-ending stack of emails that continually builds up just thinking about leaving it to tend to itself for a few days… *Shudder*

I was forever coming up with excuses not to attend and they always seemed to work... until now...

The opportunity to attend STPCon 2010 presented itself at perhaps the perfect moment in time for me. As a QA Manager in a fast growing organization, trying to keep up with the demands that are my reality in a modern day IT shop, I have been a bit down in the dumps about my personal career choice and have even had moments where I find myself daydreaming of a simpler life where my days are filled with nothing more complex than flipping burgers on a hot griddle, or serving hot coffee to a crowd of smiling faces as the words, "Would you like fries with that?" leave my smiling, happy mouth...

Yes… it was that bad.

Needless to say, I was looking for inspiration, for a glint of hope that would serve as a reminder to why I chose Quality as a career to begin with, and why I continue to make it my focus day in and day out.

What I found at STPCon 2010 was the “breath of fresh air” I had been searching for. With a multi-track format that covered perspectives from the most entry level testers to management and beyond, the conference kicked off with a great introductory session presented by Ross Smith, the Director of Test for Microsoft, discussing the concept of Productivity Games in the QA realm as a means to mitigate risk by diversifying testing efforts… essentially getting more eyes on the product sooner. It was a topic that stemmed quite a few discussions and debates that continued throughout the week. Think of it people... wouldn't it be cool to turn our job into a giant game? Ok, well, perhaps it's not completely realistic in some settings... but it was an awesome concept and did challenge me to come up with ideas on how to apply it to the environment I'm in.

A session that piqued my interest from the moment I laid eyes on it was the “Testers! Get Out of the Quality Assurance Business” delivered by Michael Bolton. I actually thought I might hear some encouragement on how to take the skills I have learned and apply them to the whole "flipping burgers" scenario I wrote about above... However, instead of encouraging a drastic career change, Michael served up a refreshing perspective on the role of QA in a software project and on how powerful it can be to simply re-direct our efforts into activities that support exploration, learning and finding the problems sooner as a service to the entire team’s efforts as opposed to taking on the daunting (and often unrealistic) task that is “assuring quality”.

Judy McCay’s session entitled, “People are not Widgits!” highlighted some great advice on how to find the highest quality team members, and more importantly how to keep these critical team members and ensure their individual success (I'm not gonna lie... I took this one to heart... I rather like my team members and I'd like them to stick around for a bit). It also shared some great tips on strategies for building teams for the future and not just for the current needs… something I’m very excited to take back as I look at growing my team.

Browsing through the calendar of events for the week though, I realized rather quickly that the possibilities for learning were far greater than I was going to be able to take in as a single person. Oddly enough, visions of cloning myself came to mind, well, that and I was more determined than ever to make sure I brought my team with me the next time. However, as a short term strategy, I decided to diversify my experience by selecting a few sessions completely outside of my normal area of interest and focus. One of which was a wonderful bit on “Load Testing in The Real World”, presented by Michael Gzeiszperger who quickly proved himself, not only an authority, but a visionary in the arena of load testing.

Matt Heusser’s hands-on workshop entitled, “Hands-on Quick Tests” was nothing less than pure awesomeness. I actually love this concept of Hands On Workshops. For us tactile people, there is nothing more fun than getting in a room with fellow geeks and hammering away and projects that challenge the mind. I had a great time playing with the different test scenarios and Matt provided a plethora of great ideas for getting the most “bang for the buck” with very direct and strategic testing methods.

One of the more controversial sessions I attended was on, “Metrics: A key to Success” delivered by Kim Mahoney. It served as a great example of the different perspectives out there as well as the passion that exists in the people who make up the world of Quality Assurance. There were a number of very poignant questions raised and it opened up a world of discussion on the topic of metrics and the overhead and ROI associated that come along with them.

The keynotes from both Kelly Vria, and Marc Scharenbroich were pure magic. Kelly spoke to the group on the “Top Ten Leadership Skills: Surviving in the 21^st Century”. It truly felt like this keynote was tailor made for me and was the kick in the pants I needed to renew my commitment to “do what I already know”. Mark’s keynote, “Nice Bike: Fueling Performance with Passion” gripped the entire audience and had us rolling in laughter one moment and silently on the verge of tears the next as he re-hashed stories that showed just how critical it is for us to connect with the world, and more importantly, the people around us. The thing that struck me most about Mark, was his interaction with the audience. Although he was speaking to a crowded room with hundreds of people present, he had a way of speaking directly to you individually. Powerful to say the least! Plus, he told me I had great hair so that also won him some points. ;)

All in all, STPCon 2010 proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if you get enough people with a passion for quality, lock them into a large banquet area for a week, and fill them with endless amounts of caffeine and treats, nothing but great things will come of it. With a perfect balance of technical, strategic, and leadership content, as well as a program that was well planned to support plenty of moments between sessions to come together, meet new people, and share our experiences and ideas with one another, it proved to be exactly what I needed.

I came to STPCon searching for inspiration… Not only did I leave inspired but with a new found respect for this amazing community made up of people just like me, who have made quality our business… our passion… the people who strive every day to make the world of technology a much happier part of the human experience.

I can’t wait for next year.

Adventures in Quality

Yeah, Yeah... I know... It's been a while. What can I say other than as usual life happens?

The year 2010... wow what a year it has been eh? I gotta admit, it was a fun year... one full of the changes and challenges that come with another year lived and enough ebbs and flows to make me grateful for all that I have learned and experienced and hoping that 2011 brings with it a bit of calm for a change.

I have decided to get back into the habit of writing and am re-dedicating myself to that which I have forsaken for far too long. I truly do enjoy sharing a bit of myself in this way, as it's one of the few creative outlets I have and it is nice to have a place to vent the crazy things that ramble through my brain on a day to day basis. Not to mention, if I'm going to fulfill my dream of writing a book some day I might as well figure out how to write something interesting now and hopefully by the time the moons are in alignment and am inspired to sit down and actually write something of use, I will be ready to hit the ground running.

The topic that has been on my mind recently has been the recurring theme of quality and how it plays out in my day to day life, both on a professional level, but also on a professional level.

I recently attended a conference on the topic of "Quality Assurance" (more to come on this later) and met a ton of really incredible people in the testing community. What an amazing experience it was to share the week with this group of people people that perceive the world in a similar way... kicking ideas around and brainstorming about how to take what we learned back to our individual lives and make a difference in the communities that we are a part of.

I must admit, I have been a bit down in the dumps in regards to my career choice and have even caught myself daydreaming of living out the rest of my days as a 'Barista' making coffee or hell, even flipping burgers! It turns out that the business of "quality" isn't as conducive to a low stress and "Zen" lifestyle as I once thought... who would have thought? ;)

For the first time in years, I was reminded, once again, why I got into this business to begin with, and why I have stayed with it through all of these years... this thing called quality... the thing that challenges me, that frustrates me, and causes much loss of sleep. The thing that drives my passion and my curiosity. My blessing and my curse...

So I have decided to write more on the topic. To share the little moments that make up my days as a QA Manager in a very demanding industry and as myself... just an ordinary girl out there on a quest to suck the marrow out of this thing called life.

Stay tuned world... I'm just getting started. ;)

All that is Love

On this beautiful fall day here in Utah, as the sun shines through the window and the earth is covered in a thin white veil of sparkle, I find myself pondering this crazy little thing called love...

Love, a single word that can be expressed, and translated for that matter, in so many different ways and at its core means something completely different to every single human being based on their own personal experience of it.

Oddly enough, pondering on the matter of love has taken be back to my roots, back to when love was defined for me in the biblical terms...

Phileo being the love that is shared among family members and close friends; Eros being the love between lovers and the greatest of all loves, Agape... the "Christ Like" love that is unconditional and rises above all others.

As I look at it now from a more objective (or as objective as I can get being in a very subjective state ;D) viewpoint it seems somewhat silly to generalize such a big thing as love into only three categories. Especially because each one of those categories encompasses so much in terms of the human experiences associated with these types of love.

As I look at these depictions of love, I have begun to think of a couple of things that I believe to be missing from this biblical concept of love, and is something that took a number of very difficult years for me to figure out on my own.

1. The loving of one's self
2. The acceptance of love into one's life

As a child the value was placed on a level of selflessness in a love for the people around me. Putting their needs above my own always. In fact, the concept of putting any type of important on loving yourself was looked upon as selfishness... the exact opposite of the godly way that we were striving for.

Although I see why this is a trait that is so widely preached and why it was considered to be an important value to instill (especially when you look at the level of selfishness that is so prevalent around the world today), I also feel that in many cases it can be mis-interpreted in a way that can lead to an unhealthy viewpoint on what true love is... and more importantly, what true love isn't.

Never was this proven more to me than in my early twenties as I went from being just "Gwen" to being a young mother and wife. The meaning of selflessness took on an entirely different meaning to me during that time, and as I struggled to identify with what it meant to be a good wife... and more importantly what it meant to be a good mother, I found myself lost... confused... and most unhappy.

The thing that I could not understand was how I could have such a feeling of love inside of me for these amazing people in my life and yet I felt so empty... so detached... so helpless in regards to expressing the feelings in a way that truly reflected what I felt inside.

What's worse is that during that time, I became so unaware that I went into an auto-pilot state where it became about fulfilling the needs of everyone else, whether it be making sure that there was a warm meal on the table, or the bathroom was cleaned. I was so lost that those activities became my only display of love and in the end I could not help but feel a certain level of failure in my abilities as mother, as lover, as friend.

If there is one thing that my experiences have taught me is that you cannot give which you do not have. During those years when I was lost to myself, there was a moment at which I woke up and realized that unless I was willing to give myself and accept into my life the same love that I was attempting to bestow upon others around me, that I could never be successful in being the person of love that I wanted to be.

It stands out as one of the more remarkable and life changing moments to date. I'm not quite sure what the exact event was that served to be the splash of cold water that I needed to wake up, but what I do know is that my entire outlook changed on how I viewed myself and the roles in which I play and in reality, I cannot even begin to explain in words the impact that this has had in my life.

Although every day is a chance to learn more about love and the world around me I feel blessed in my life to be able to know this one truth... that Love is something that cannot be experienced in its entirety until one is willing to give this love fully to the world around them, and in turn love one's self enough to allow those around them to give love fully in return. Perhaps... that in and of itself is the true meaning of "Agape" that is spoken of in the bible.

Regardless though of its application, it's this one truth that has been so incredibly powerful at this point in my life and I only hope that my life can be a reflection of this as I move forward through life.

Today I treasure each and every one of the little moments where this expression of true love is present... whether it be a bear hug from my little Joshie... or Abby snuggling up next to me as she slowly twirls little bits of my hair around her tiny fingertips (a gesture that she has shown since the day she was born) or even catching eyes with Brian and feeling that overwhelming sense of knowing him... and knowing that his heart and mine are entirely in tune with one another.

As we move into this holiday season... My one wish is for everyone to share these moments fully with the ones that they love and to know the love that is out there and possible if they are open to seeing it.

All my love,

Gwen

Hints of Autumn

A sudden hint of crispness returns to the air all around... the smells are different... one begins to hear the crunching sounds of fallen leaves as they walk along a cool and serenely quiet neighborhood street... yes, Autumn has returned.

For me, the Autumn is always a time of introspect... of reviewing the year's events and coming to terms with all that I have learned about myself and the world around me and then accepting those into who I am... and letting them mold me into the person I am now... and will be tomorrow.

This year however, is a bit different... along with the reminiscing of moments passed comes an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for all the little things that I absolutely love about my life. All the little things, that, although may not mean anything to you or the next person... are absolutely everything to me.

On a deeper level though, there is an ever growing gratitude for all of the people that I am lucky enough to call friends and family. The select few amazing and wonderful beings that have blessed my life with being a part of it... whether you have known me for longer than I can even remember or have only entered it recently, my hope for you this fall is that you know who you are and realize just how important you are to me.

On another note... I find it interesting that moments of my past seem to come back to the front of my mind... although just glimmers of a life that, for the most part, seems nothing more than a distant memory.

The haunting remains of emotions for the family that once was... for the parents whose approval I valued more highly than one ever should... and yet... even after all these years, I still find myself hoping that one day they would find it within their hearts to be happy for the person I have become... for the woman, the sister, the daughter, and the mother that I am today, right here... and right now... for it is for them that I find myself most grateful for being the parents I needed to rise above the norm... step out of the person I thought I should be... and to have the courage to be all that I am to the small world around me.

I am grateful to you all... and I wish that you all have a safe and wonderful Autumn filled with all of the love, magic and wonder that may come.

Much love,

Gwen

Letting Go and Finding Love Ab ovo

The Word of the Day for September 17, 2009 is:
ab ovo • \ab-OH-voh\ • adverb

: from the beginning

(couldn't help adding this to the post as it seems so fitting =D)

Not long ago, I was that girl...

You know the one... the mid-thirties single mom who had lost all hope in the male species in general let alone the concept of love that could last a lifetime. I tried not to be bitter about it... for there was a part of me that longed for it above all other things. Perhaps it was that longing that kept pushing it from my grasp... Who's to know for sure?

I prefer to call myself a realist more than a cynic. Although, I'm sure that there are more than a few moments when anyone who knows me could tell you I had crossed that ever so gray line into the cynical side of things on more than one occasion. It still amazes me to this day what great and loyal friends I have... the ones who sat there and put up with all of the colors of Gwen. ( I officially take this moment to thank each and every one of you for doing your part in aiding my level of sanity)

In all reality, I was exhausted... I was tired of putting faith and hope in something that seemed to be nothing more than a fairytale. A story that I had been lead to believe as a small child... Brainwashed by Disney movies that depicted the princess rescued from her despair by prince charming who had perfect timing and always arrived on a white horse.

So I gave up and more importantly I let it go...

Looking back, I can't quite remember the exact moment when the switch occurred. Oh sure, at the back of my mind and this small area in my heart, there was this little voice that hoped that one day the impossibility would become possible... but I decided that I was no longer going to waste my energy in waiting for prince charming to live the life that I had dreamed. To be truly happy, and content with the wonderful life that I had... right here... right now.

It's a quite empowering moment to let it all go. Don't get me wrong... I did have moments of weakness... but instead of letting those moments take over and define my every day... I decided to grab life by the metaphorical balls and truly live God Damnit! ;)

It wasn't until a few months back that the concept of "True Love" entered the picture again and smacked me head on like a ton of bricks. I had traveled to San Diego to attend the wedding of my adopted "Big Sis" and the love of her life. We had shared discussions about Love and Romance and had even talked about some of the men that I had been dating recently. When they talked, they spoke of a connection that, although it rang true with my heart, I couldn't conceive mentally and certainly hadn't experienced before. A love that tied you together with someone so deeply that you just KNEW with every ounce of your soul... your body... your mind that it was right... and real... and worth holding on to.

Again I found myself wanting to believe in this crazy concept... Of connecting with someone on that level. More importantly, I began to realize, much to my dismay, that I was responsible for not having this in my life... How could I invite this level of love into my life when I wasn't open to it? When I didn't consider myself worthy of such deep devotion and adoration?

Suddenly I realized how much this had impacted the relationships around me... not just in a romantic sense... but the relationships with anyone I called a friend... anyone I called family... most importantly, my children. Here I was wanting to love... wanting to be loved... and yet, I was keeping everyone at an arms length. Protecting myself from the possibility of hurt... the possibility of loss.

In this single weekend, among some of the most beautiful and amazing people I have ever met, in an environment that spoke love on so many levels, I realized that not only was I worth a love that was so deep and so true that it's power was beyond the grasp of words, but I could accept nothing less in my life.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt open to love... I felt open to not only sharing this love with the people around me that were so important to me... but open to receiving it in return. Regardless of the outcome... regardless of the "What If's" that seemed, at one time, to plague every waking moment.

And then you came along... you... dressed all handsome like in that lavender shirt that made me smile to myself because... after all... it takes a big man to wear pastels ;). You... with your "ridiculously good looks", your charming personality, and the most amazing smile that lit up the entire room around you.

Every day since then has been a gift Brian... every moment something to hold onto and build upon. The more I get to know you the deeper my feelings grow for you and I long to know more and more about what made you the amazing person you are today and I grow more and more excited about who you will be tomorrow, and 10 years from now... and further... and often I wonder what we will be together.

There are still moments when it feels like a dream that I'm going to wake up from and then it hits me. Perhaps Michele was right... perhaps you are the gift of a force greater than I can imagine. All I know is that I cherish each and every moment with you and I am so excited for the adventures that each new day may bring.

I love you Brian... from the deepest part of my heart. Thank you for being a part of my life!

Passions of Late

As with the Ebb and Flow of most things in life, I find myself in a state of silence lately, unwilling to share with the world even a glimmer of the goings on within my life. I'm thankful for the moments like this... I find that most often, these times allow me to reflect on everything that I have allowed to simmer inside and provide good building blocks for future writing efforts.

Today as I was driving to work, I was listening to a goofy morning talk show that just happened to have a number of people calling in to a psychic that makes regular guest appearances on the show.

One of the callers mentioned that they were having a hard time making the decision as to the path that they would take in life... and as the psychic was talking to this person over the phone the radio host cut into the conversation and started talking about how important it was to find out what your passions are and to truly pursue those no matter what. Make those the priority in your life because that is what will make life most rich and worthwhile...

It reminded me about another quote...

"Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."

Theodore Roosevelt, Speech in New York, September 7, 1903 [26th president of US (1858 - 1919)]


These thoughts stayed with me for most of the day as this has proven to be a really big challenge for me

It's not that I don't have passions... I feel passionate about many things. I am passionate about life itself and all that it has encompassed up to this very moment. I am passionate about "quality", which has been such a fascinating thing to study throughout the years as it has so many applications in both my life and the world in which I am a small part of.

I am passionate about running and all of the opportunities that it has presented to me. I am passionate about capturing the little moments through photography and writing... as those have both become perfect creative outlets that seem to draw me in more and more as I have experimented with them both over the past few years.

Perhaps the problem isn't in finding the passions in my life, but in truly making those a bigger priority. So many times these things take the sidelines to the busy things that fill up my life... the hustle and bustle of doing the things that, although important are perhaps not the MOST important.

So I have decided to work a bit harder at focusing on the passions that truly stand out from the rest...

1. Running
2. Photography
3. Writing

I have ideas in the works for all three of these passions and will continue to post my thoughts, feelings and experiences relating to each one. Perhaps if nothing else putting them out here for the world to see will assist in my efforts to truly bring these areas of my life into greater focus.

Wish me luck! :)