Life as a Fairy Tale

I have doing much pondering lately about life and love.  Not surprising as I'm sure it's more than common for one who has recently been told by the person who held their heart that they were never really "In Love".

I have gone through the phases of mourning for that relationship.  The stages of unbearable hurt, complete and total numbness and finally the moment of acceptance.  I keep hoping for the moment of forgiveness... where all will be forgotten and I will finally be able to look upon the man that broke my heart and feel nothing but appreciation for the time we had... for the moments we shared (albeit tainted with the feeling that the love I thought existed was nothing more than my own feelings being reflected). 

But alas... It ceases to come.

The pondering continues though... I have to admit I have moments of pessimism about the very thought of this so called Love thing that is supposed to be so wonderful.  I read about it in books... I hear it in songs... this love that is spoken of that is so deep and so undying... and yet here I am left wondering if that love really is possible?  Or is it merely a figment of my (and apparently many others) imagination?

I want to believe... I want it with all my heart to believe that it's true.  Perhaps it is because it is real to me... in my heart... that desire to love so deeply... so permanently that the bond simply cannot be broken... but in addition the desire to be loved as much in return.  To know that the person is so devoted to me that it hurts them to imagine a world without me in it.  

Perhaps this is not a healthy way to look at things... the rational part of myself keeps reminding me of that on a daily basis.  Perhaps in my own naivety I have fallen for a fairy tale that could never really exist in the reality in which we all exist... but as I look around at life I can't imagine it an impossibility for us crazy humans... who are filled with so much passion and lust for life that we are capable of not only the worst atrocities but of the most amazing expressions of love imaginable.  

Is it not the very core of our humanity that drives us to love so deeply?  

At times it feels as if giving up on this one thing... the belief in Love in and of itself would be a betrayal of the very thing that makes us human.

And yet... I see it so rarely in this world that I am lead to believe that either we have somehow made the choice to ignore it as a possibility in ourselves... perhaps in exchange for a charmed life filled with instant gratification and the next biggest / best thing or maybe... just maybe... most of us have simply forgotten that it even exists at all.... living our lives in the daily grind... relying on logic and rational thought instead of using intuition or the feelings inside to even have a voice at all.

The only spark of "knowing" exists in the fact that I see it in myself... not only in the love that I feel for my children (obviously a different kind of love) but also in the fact that the desire is still there to experience that level of Love... 

Is it not simply a matter of "I think... Therefore I am"?

I want to believe... I have to believe...