Have I been putting this off????

Perhaps... hmmm... Maybe?... Probably...

Well, ok, so I came home early from work today because we had a massive rain storm and the power went out. Since my livelihood is completely reliant on the ability to work on a computer, it provided the perfect cover for my otherwise very unproductive day.

So here I sit... trying to figure out what to type. Has a lot happened in life? Yeah I guess you could say life has been busy as usual... and I'm sure I could write about a lot... unfortunately, I just haven't been much in the mood to write about it at all.

Maybe it's because I'm just too lazy to take the time to think about it, or perhaps it's a little more difficult to deal with my feelings if I end up having to read them in black and white... regardless as you can see there hasn't been much to read on this blog.

(Twiddling my Thumbs)

I'm 29 now... another year gone. It's hard to look back at this year and be glad with where I am at or be proud of how far I have come. I guess I just don't feel like I have gone anywhere... and in a sense, I am ok with that... well at least to a certain extent.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going in life... and that tends to be a cause of frustration to me. Nothings set in stone. There's not much security there right now... and it's not just relationship wise... although that does play a part. I guess the frustration is because here I am, my entire future ahead of me... for me to take hold of and do with whatever I wish, and all I can find the energy to do with it is to sit back and mope about where I'm at right now. I know I know... doesn't make much sense to me either.

I have a great man in my life... but he's not mine... probably never will be... Or I guess what hurts more than that isn't so much that he won't be mine... but that I'll never be his. Most days, it's really ok, and I love the moments that we do share. But every once in a while, it just hurts.

I missed being single for so long while I was married and here I am... completely single, and all I can do is mope about how I'm single. How pathetic is that? I keep telling myself that I'm a strong woman, and that I don't need any man in my life to make my life complete or make me happy. I convince myself of this on occasion, and for a time, it's ok... but other days... it's just lonely.

It's ok though... I am really trying to break that cycle... Trying to do the "Get the fuck over it" routine with myself and get thinking about something a little more positive in my life.

I'm hoping to get more involved in Abby and Joshie's school this year. So that will be good. I have also recently taken up running. Which is odd to me, since for the most part, running is not something I have enjoyed doing in the past. Lately though, it's provided the perfect opportunity to get outside... get exercising and take a few minutes out of my day to just be with myself... something that has been increasingly difficult for me to do up to now.

Anyways, other than that it's life as normal. Kind of boring I'm sure, but who ever said life was glamorous? ;)

Going out for a run...

CIAO!