The Windows to The Soul

I have been trying to work on my technical abilities, not only with my camera, but also in the ways of photoshop.
One of the photographers I have been admiring lately has a way of making the eyes of her subjects almost magical and so I have been playing around with some of my images to see if I could get the eyes to pop.

This is my first shot at it.

I'm sure I'll get better as I go along and learn the tools a bit better but I thought it was pretty good for a first shot.

Damn that is one good lookin kid. :)

A Historical Moment In Time...

Yesterday will surely go down as a great day in American history...

As I watched last night in anticipation for the final counts... I was overwhelmed by a feeling of hope and of pride.

Pride in being part of a country that up until last night, I thought had been all but lost to complacency... Pride in our humanity as a whole for digging deep within ourselves, and finding the courage to get out there and find our voice as a whole... and to demand a change!

Today the pride and hope was enhanced by a feeling of peace as I looked outside and saw the world covered in a blanket of white.

As I opened my work mail this morning, I noticed a forwarded email from an ex-coworker of mine.

After reading it and being brought to tears once again, I feel the need to share it because of it's sense of purity and honesty that you see so rarely and I thought it very fitting at this most historic of times...

It comes from what I consider to be the most unlikeliest of places as this is an ex-coworker of mine who I have very unpleasant memories of working with and to this very day we butt heads.

In moments like this however, I am forced to rethink the differences I have with the people around me and open my eyes to the similarities we share... not only as Americans... but more importantly as human beings...

It is truly beautiful... and Greg... You have my utmost respect for having the courage to open up and share your perspective... I share this in honor of your courage...

Well spoken!

**************************************************

Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 10:51 AM
Subject: Indulge me for just a moment

Thanks to all of you that voted yesterday.

I just wanted to share something with you – I've worked with many of you for several years now, and consider you my friends. I think most of you know a little bit about my family, and so you probably recognize that yesterday's election results meant a lot in my household. I expect about half of you receiving this email, or maybe slightly more than that depending on geographic location, may not be thrilled about how things turned out yesterday. Some of you are ecstatic. Some of you are frustrated. Some of you are fearful. Some of you might be angry. But I wanted to share with you my perspective, and give you something to think about.

At 10 or 11pm last night, I don't remember which, I was able to pull my eight-year old son out of bed, bring him downstairs, and tell him that he could, in fact, have the opportunity to do anything in this wonderful country – that this wasn't just an empty promise, but was a real possibility. He wanted to know why both my wife and I were crying.

I explained to him that it wasn't because one presidential candidate won over another, but because our country, which I have loved all of my life, and which some of my relatives have fought and died for, had done something great. We talked about it at some length. When I went to Colorado a few weeks back to knock on the doors of openly hostile strangers and worry about the snarling pit bulls in the yard next to me, it was so that I could have this opportunity.

He's eight. He leads a happy and sheltered life. But even he has come home and explained to us that he wasn't invited to Johnnie's birthday party, because Johnnie told him that "no brown kids were invited." So he understood, at least a little bit, what we were talking about.

I gave him a copy of two things to read. One was a copy of Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech. You have all heard the speech, and I don't need to quote it here. I thought it was important he read the speech. We talked about the time and place and events that led up to that speech.

I also gave him a copy of something else. It was a transcript of some remarks given by Dr. King on April 3^rd, 1968. These words were spoken in Memphis, Tennessee, a city in which I lived just a few years later. I was a young boy. I had cerebral palsy, and had a crooked leg and couldn't walk like the other kids. I got beat up every single day. I don't have fond memories of Memphis.

Dr. King concludes, in part, with the following:

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything."

The next day, Martin Luther King was shot dead in Memphis. I remember being in school in Memphis a few years afterwards, and the deep shame that my teacher felt on the anniversary of that date.

Here in Utah, one of the reddest of red states, the mountains are high. But even in the snow this morning, the view from the mountaintops is great.

I honestly believe this would be possible in no other country on Earth. Work hard to see to it that your view of good governance is instituted. Work to improve the lifes of your fellow men and women. But don't forget that regardless of how far we have to go, and how imperfect things are, however high the peak is in front of you, this country, and we its inhabitants – even the most downtrodden of us -- enjoys blessings found no place else on Earth.

I hope now my son really understands.

Thanks,

Greg

The Simple Things

I love that in a world where children are raised by electronics and TV there are still a few kids out there who can find joy in even the simplest of things.

You wouldn't believe the fun a group of kids can have with a rake, a shovel, and a yard full of fall leaves. Don't believe me? TRY IT!

Magic

Tonight as I was kicking back relaxing with the two most amazing people in my life I had one of those incredibly powerful moments of realization that one only experiences perhaps a handful of times throughout the course of their life.

You know the ones I'm talking about... the ones that you feel from the deepest part of your core... the ones that make you feel closer to truth (whatever that means) than anything else in the world... and although you can't quite find the words to pinpoint it or form it into something quite tangible... you "Know" it... and you "Feel" it...

We happened to be watching the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium at the time. Now... I wasn't expecting all that much from this movie. In fact, if I remember correctly it received quite dreadful reviews when it hit the box office. However, I'm not sure if it was just the feeling in the air tonight... or the fact that I was watching it with my kids... but it touched me... deeper than any movie I have seen recently... to the point where I was actually in tears throughout it's entirety... each new chapter of the story bringing with it a fresh wave of thought and feeling.

As crazy as it probably sounds... and although I am firmly in touch with the reality in this world (well at least I think I am)... There has always been this small part of me that believes that the world is a magical place. Oh sure, it may not be magical in a way that only hollywood or Walt Disney himself could portray... but it's there... if you stop and give your self a chance to see it.... and feel it.

In the notes of a song... or the way the light falls through the leaves of a tree... or the look on a child's face as they take in the world around them... The only word that can possibly be used to describe moments like this is indeed, "Magical".

Too often I forget what it was like to look at the world from my own eyes as a child. To see and feel the magic in every single moment... so much so that time itself stands still.

There is this great quote that I am reminded of...

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
-- Abraham Lincoln

On this night, I spent the rest of the evening giggling and kissing and hugging these little people in my life with a feeling of gratitude for all that they remind me of about Life and Love... and Magic :)

We ended the night with more kisses and wishes for sweet dreams... and as I lie here and type this to you all... There is a single happy tear in the corner of my eye.

Goodnight My Friends... Sweet Dreams

Soccer Champ

My little man started soccer this fall with the Salt Lake Firebirds.

He has always had a natural talent with the sport, even at a young age.

This was snapped at his second game of the season.

Go Joshie!

Something I have to get out...

I just have to get this out...

For all of you men out there who think it timely or sweet to use the following quote,

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

while breaking up with a girl...

Unless there is a terminal illness or an untimely death involved in the happenings surrounding the mentioned breakup... Or unless you plan on disappearing permanently from the face of the planet... the quote simply DOES NOT APPLY.

So please... for your sake and the sake of every woman out there who ever has been or ever will be dumped by the person who holds their heart...

The next time you feel the need to use this in some pathetic attempt to soften the blow of your message or try to throw a little rainbow into the shit of the situation... Just spare us ok?

This public service announcement brought to you by the Letters F and U and the number 1

Thank you... and have a wonderful day.

P.S - It feels really good to get that out... It's been weighing heavily on my mind for a few weeks now. :)

Autumn Bliss

Even in the most trying and tumultuous of times...

A moment of peace is found in the simplicity of
taking a step back, and breathing in
the beautiful world that all of us are so incredibly fortunate to be a part of.

Life as a Fairy Tale

I have doing much pondering lately about life and love.  Not surprising as I'm sure it's more than common for one who has recently been told by the person who held their heart that they were never really "In Love".

I have gone through the phases of mourning for that relationship.  The stages of unbearable hurt, complete and total numbness and finally the moment of acceptance.  I keep hoping for the moment of forgiveness... where all will be forgotten and I will finally be able to look upon the man that broke my heart and feel nothing but appreciation for the time we had... for the moments we shared (albeit tainted with the feeling that the love I thought existed was nothing more than my own feelings being reflected). 

But alas... It ceases to come.

The pondering continues though... I have to admit I have moments of pessimism about the very thought of this so called Love thing that is supposed to be so wonderful.  I read about it in books... I hear it in songs... this love that is spoken of that is so deep and so undying... and yet here I am left wondering if that love really is possible?  Or is it merely a figment of my (and apparently many others) imagination?

I want to believe... I want it with all my heart to believe that it's true.  Perhaps it is because it is real to me... in my heart... that desire to love so deeply... so permanently that the bond simply cannot be broken... but in addition the desire to be loved as much in return.  To know that the person is so devoted to me that it hurts them to imagine a world without me in it.  

Perhaps this is not a healthy way to look at things... the rational part of myself keeps reminding me of that on a daily basis.  Perhaps in my own naivety I have fallen for a fairy tale that could never really exist in the reality in which we all exist... but as I look around at life I can't imagine it an impossibility for us crazy humans... who are filled with so much passion and lust for life that we are capable of not only the worst atrocities but of the most amazing expressions of love imaginable.  

Is it not the very core of our humanity that drives us to love so deeply?  

At times it feels as if giving up on this one thing... the belief in Love in and of itself would be a betrayal of the very thing that makes us human.

And yet... I see it so rarely in this world that I am lead to believe that either we have somehow made the choice to ignore it as a possibility in ourselves... perhaps in exchange for a charmed life filled with instant gratification and the next biggest / best thing or maybe... just maybe... most of us have simply forgotten that it even exists at all.... living our lives in the daily grind... relying on logic and rational thought instead of using intuition or the feelings inside to even have a voice at all.

The only spark of "knowing" exists in the fact that I see it in myself... not only in the love that I feel for my children (obviously a different kind of love) but also in the fact that the desire is still there to experience that level of Love... 

Is it not simply a matter of "I think... Therefore I am"?

I want to believe... I have to believe... 

Another blank page...

This moment in my life is filled with such deep emotion about so many things... and yet I find that when I come here to share some of it... to get some of it out of my head... out of my heart and onto a blank page... it simply doesn't come.  

I sit... I start to type... and words come out... but they fall short every time.  Each time I compile a few sentences and then I must start over because the words just aren't enough to truly convey what is going on inside of me.  

What's worse is that I feel it a betrayal to share anything at all if it cannot truly express the feelings... or perhaps it's not that at all.... Perhaps it is merely a fear that if I get it all out... that I will be forced to let it go... as if the very act of expression itself would force me to separate myself from the feelings... and in some ways, that is more than I can handle for now. 

and so here I am... another night passed... another blank page... 

My Debut Back to Singlehood

Ugh... To be single again... ya know... it was once considered the "in" thing. In fact, I'm sure that there may be a few of my married friends out there a little envious of the position I find myself in once again.

I for one am not necessarily convinced.

Don't get me wrong... I can be single. I can even enjoy being single. I enjoyed my single moments... I really did... And even now I know that I will enjoy every moment of being single... because Damnit... I'm going to Seize the Day Baby!

I did go out tonight for the first time in a very long time. Which was good but apparently over the past year and a half I have become incredibly accustomed to the domesticated life and have lost practice in the ways of getting ready for a night out on the town...

I got all dressed up.... You know how it goes... looking good... feeling sassy... And then I realized that I hadn't set up the sprinklers. So after I finished the final touches and found myself ready to go, I headed outside to set them up and get them going on my half dead lawn that I'm still working (very hard might I add) to raise back to life.

You wouldn't think that this would be a big task... but imagine trying to do all of this in heels. Now... not rocket science mind you... but I'm setting up the lawn... and I had turned on the water already because I wanted to adjust it to hit just the right spots... and that's when I realized that I was dead center in the path of the sprinkler as it came around.

Now most people in my situation would run... but I was stunned by the irony in all of it. Here I was... all dressed for my debut back into singlehood and I had a sprinkler quickly approaching me.

Oh yes... as you can imagine... it came right for me... and all I could do was laugh and shake my head as I let the water soak me through the outfit I had so carefully picked out for the evening.

It was as if the universe was laughing at me going "Sucker!"!!!

All I could do was giggle as I ran quickly into the house to throw my outfit in the dryer.

Anywho... it did turn out to be a wonderful night and I laughed most of it so perhaps this single thing isn't so bad after all...

Thank you Kendra... it was much needed and I had a blast...

My Little Runner Girl

On August 09, 2008 Abby, Joshua and I all ran together in the Harvest Days 5K right here in Midvale. As we started out the race Abby darted off and we only saw her once during the entire race. Turns out as we were bringing up the rear right in front of the sag wagon (Josh is convinced he hates running at this point) Abby had run her little heart out and finished way ahead of us.

She placed 3rd in her age division and took home the Bronze medal.

You are awesome Abby! Just added proof that you my dear can accomplish anything you put your mind to!

That's My Girl!

Beauty

One of the greatest perks we have here in the great state of Utah is the opportunity to be right at the foot of some rather gorgeous mountains.

I have found that living here a number of years one tends to take them for granted as we go about our business from day to day... I myself am guilty of this as I catch glimpses here and there but rarely taking the opportunity to just take it all in.

Last night I decided to go for a swim and as I was coming out of the exit of the pool I just happened to look up as the mountain range that rises not more than a few miles from where I was standing... It was a sight to behold as the setting sun threw a warm light over the peaks of the mountains in such a way that it set them on fire.

It was an absolutely breathtaking sight and I just stood there for a moment staring at the wonder of it all. If that wasn't enough, as I was making my way home I turned the corner to head west and I encountered the most beautiful sunset I think I have ever experienced here in Utah.

The sight brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't take my eyes away from it.

The beauty of it, you see, was not in just the sunset itself, but in the surrounding factors that contributed to what I was witnessing...

That day in Utah there was a massive fire in the hills to the south of us and with the winds blowing through the valley it was spreading the smoke and ash throughout the wasatch front. The added smoke and ash in the air cause the reflection of the sun going down to dance in brilliant red and yellow light as it peered out from behind the dark profile of the western mountains.

It never ceases to amaze me how much beauty there is to find in life... even in the midst of distructive forces.

The Sign...

It's truly remarkable how events tend to lay themselves out so eloquently, just enough to make you think that there could be something bigger at work... some mysterious force that eludes to much more than mere coincidence.

My parents came for a visit last week to see their grandkids. This is something they have often done when given the opportunity... but this time felt different somehow... something in their voices...

They assured me that it was not a death in the family (which it often is when they want to share more than two words with me or any of the other siblings who have followed me into the world of darkness) so I wasn't worried about that, but as I awaited their arrival I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive.

Ten years it has been since I made the decision to leave behind the beliefs and the life of my childhood... My "inheritance" as my dad tenderly calls it. The wall was put up that day and has been up ever since.

You see, We Iarussi's are great at putting up a tough guard when we have experienced hurt in our lives... it's one of the the things that makes us strong... Ironically it also serves as one of our greatest weaknesses as we fight the urge to shut off from the world around us... shut out the things that matter most to us but could hurt us most.

When we met up with my parents for this particular visit, on this particular day, something was very different. The walls were gone... for that brief moment in time our parents were back.

Throughout the day we proceeded to talk... about love, about life, about pain and ultimately about their devoted love to us and the desire to have us in their lives again. There were moments of healing... and moments of understanding...

For the first time in the ten years since the walls went up I felt as if we were all in a place of forgiveness and honesty. A place where we could accept one another as we were... without any other factors... to finally mend the wounds we had incurred through the decade long silence that had existed between us.

I left that night in a state of shock... healed... confused... and thankful for every moment of it.

The story had not changed you see, it was the same as always... They want us back... and they want us back now. But the love was there... and it was a love that only "Family" brings... and it's something that I had not felt in a very long time... and it deeply affected me.

I prayed that night... to a God I no longer believe in... the God of my childhood. I prayed for clarity and the strength to move forward in the right direction... no matter what the direction might be.

I spent that night alone... no one to listen to the feelings that were pouring from my heart. No one to wipe my tears and to tell me that with each new day... comes a new sense of clarity and hope. I must admit that I was more confused by the experience than anything. One would hope for clarity with an experience like this but I was only left with more questions...

The next few days were a bit crazy as I was still in a swirl of emotion and tears that could have just as easily been related to chemical imbalance as anything else... but I did look forward to sharing the experience with you... the one person I shared everything with. The one that I had finally learned to trust my heart with...

You arrived that night... and I knew immediately that something wasn't right

The moment our eyes met, I could tell that something was different, and it sent a chill through me that I had never felt before.

During the ride home you said you had changed... and I listened intently as you went on about the events of the past couple of weeks... all the while rolling over the events of the past few moments where you had swiftly packed the bags... where you had seemingly forgotten the hugs and kisses that symbolized the welcome return to home. I tried not to put too much energy into the fact that the girls could not bring themselves to look at me.

And then the bubble burst...

Your eyes were distant... almost cold... as if the walls that I had felt for so many years with my family were suddenly here... with you... the place that they least belonged... and yet... there were there... almost clearly visible.

What we had shattered into a thousand tiny moments that night as you shared the stories of your own moment of clarity... the clarity that lead you to end all that we had worked so hard together to achieve... and in as quickly as it had started... it was over...

And again... I am left in silence.

Lucas Ian Phillips

"Of all the joys that lighten suffering earth, what joy is welcomed like a newborn child?"
Dorothy L. Nolte

The Little Prince Has Arrived...

Lucas Ian Phillips has entered the world and the world will be forever changed...

Welcome Little Prince!

(P.S. - I'll post pics soon)

Lesson Learned

A while back we had an incident with several of the kids leaving objects all over the floor. In an attempt to help them appreciate the risks associated with doing this we gave them all a writing assignment.

The assignment was simple... Abby and Victoria would work together on one essay and Josh and Alaina would work on the other. The essay had to be two full notebook pages long and the topic was "Why You Should NEVER Leave Stuff On The Floor".

I decided to post them so that I could share them with you all as it was one of the more amusing forms of discipline we have encountered so far.

I've left the original grammar and spelling in for your enhanced experience... Enjoy!

ESSAY by Victoria and Abby

You shouldn't leave som-thing dangerous like a tac, pencil, or scissors on the floor. These are some reasons why. Frist, you can get poked and bleed. Second, you can slip. Lastly, you can hurt someone by falling on to them. Saporting the first reason,(you an bleed to death, you can be rushed to the hospital in a ambulance with family and friends worrieng about you.

Helping the second, reason(you can slip), you can slip. near a counter or something hard and crack your head open.

Saporting the last reason(you can. hurt someone by falling on to them.) you can fall on to them and they can get hurt with you when it was your fault in the furst place.There are many reasons why leaving sharpodjects on the floor is dangeroys and is not nice to other people that visit or family that live with you.

These are many reasons why you and I should never leave somthinvg sharp on the floor again.

-----------------------------

ESSAY By: Alaina Fister

You're walking in your house on a Monday morning all groggy and... OUCH! You stepped on a pencil that your child left on the ground! GRRRRRR... Now you have a piece of lead sticking out of your toe. All because of a careless mistake! (You have to go to the hospital).

There are many reasons why leaving sharp objects on the floor is a treacherous idea. First and most obviously, someone can get hurt & maybe have to go to the hospital (see 1st paragraph for example). If it gets stuck inside your skin it would be very painful to get out.

Second, you can lose that object. Let's say someone accidently kicks the sharp object under a couch. If they don't notice, it can be gone.

Third, you can break or ruin the object . You could step on a $20 DVD or CD & it would be gone forever. You may not get hurt but thats just like ripping a $20 dollar bill in half because that DVD is gone!

Overall leaving sharp objects on the floor is plainly a SICK idea. People can get hurt; you can break that object, (like a CD or DVD). You can also lose that object. Leaving objects on the ground is a horrible idea.

Big Things... Small Packages

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

- Albert Einstein