It seems like only yesterday when we were the kids living life in this magical world where anything seemed possible... and now, as I look into the eyes of our kids... Memories of that long lost world somehow come flooding back to me.
Perhaps the magical world I once knew hasn't completely faded away
:)
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Wow... Has it Been That Long?
Well as you can see, it's been a bit busy lately and I have had a very difficult time trying to find a moment or two to collect my thoughts and bring them together to form anything of interest to write.
Lots of stuff going on! Too much it seems most days... And yet, I'm always trying to add more. My boss said it's one of my endearing traits... I volunteer for everything regardless of what it is, and then I end up drowning myself in too many things going on. I guess I just work best under pressure... although my heart seems to be telling me I need to slow down a bit. I got a checkup not too long ago and my blood pressure was far too high for comfort. So I have been really really trying to slow things up a bit (the key word here is "trying").
The funny thing is, I have had these great ideas for things I have wanted to write about. Lots of thoughts, and ideas that have been rolling through my mind over the past couple of months, and although I have the desire to share them with all of you, I cannot for the life of me remember what it was I wanted to blab about. So I'm hoping that one of these days it will come flooding back to me and I'll be able to throw it out here for the world to read.
I did finish this amazing book recently called, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". It proved to be quite the read and definitely got the brain going about stuff that I tend to keep packed away in the little dark corners of my mind. Definitely one to challenge your thought process and ideals about the things one places value in in this world.
I haven't ever really considered myself to be a philosophy nut, although, after reading it, I found myself completely fascinated and actually continued to think about it for days and even now will think about it now and then. Just little random thoughts and ideas about what makes us tick as human beings... the different factors that play a part in our perception and experience of the world. What's not fascinating about that?
I decided to take a break from the heavier reads for the time being and take on something a bit lighter so I'm now reading "The Davinci Code". Yes, ok, so I'm a tad behind the times... But hey, at least I haven't seen the movie yet. I have practiced great restraint, knowing that as with all movies based on books, watching the movie would only destroy the experience of reading the book... and as we all know, the books are always better anyways.
Let's see... what else?
This fall has brought out a different side of me. I have been a tad more quiet lately. A bit more of a loner, which... if you have ever met me is quite odd for me. Most of the time I'm very uncomfortable spending more than short bits of time with myself. They say that you can't truly find happiness in this life until you are able to sit with yourself and just be. I guess I haven't mastered that art because I find myself to be rather sad and yes... even a bit dull.
Still... there are moments when I do find peace with my thoughts. One of those moments was the other day as I was driving home over the weekend. Heading home to enjoy a relaxing afternoon at home. I was driving past this small cemetary in my neighborhood when I noticed a funeral going on.
There was nothing really special about the funeral, although on this particular day, it seemed fascinating to me and I found myself slowing down as I passed by... just so that I could watch this group of complete strangers as they mourned their love one.
I can't quite explain what the cause was, but I felt more calm and content in that moment then I have felt in a long time. It was a tad alarming... mainly because my past was filled with so much fear of death and the unknown abyss that follows, that to find myself being calmed by this scenario was a bit weird.
Could it be that I have made my peace with the inevitable fate that awaits every single one of us? Could be.
Nevertheless... it was a great moment... and as I drove away from the scene and continued on with this little life of mine.... I smiled.
:)
G
Lots of stuff going on! Too much it seems most days... And yet, I'm always trying to add more. My boss said it's one of my endearing traits... I volunteer for everything regardless of what it is, and then I end up drowning myself in too many things going on. I guess I just work best under pressure... although my heart seems to be telling me I need to slow down a bit. I got a checkup not too long ago and my blood pressure was far too high for comfort. So I have been really really trying to slow things up a bit (the key word here is "trying").
The funny thing is, I have had these great ideas for things I have wanted to write about. Lots of thoughts, and ideas that have been rolling through my mind over the past couple of months, and although I have the desire to share them with all of you, I cannot for the life of me remember what it was I wanted to blab about. So I'm hoping that one of these days it will come flooding back to me and I'll be able to throw it out here for the world to read.
I did finish this amazing book recently called, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". It proved to be quite the read and definitely got the brain going about stuff that I tend to keep packed away in the little dark corners of my mind. Definitely one to challenge your thought process and ideals about the things one places value in in this world.
I haven't ever really considered myself to be a philosophy nut, although, after reading it, I found myself completely fascinated and actually continued to think about it for days and even now will think about it now and then. Just little random thoughts and ideas about what makes us tick as human beings... the different factors that play a part in our perception and experience of the world. What's not fascinating about that?
I decided to take a break from the heavier reads for the time being and take on something a bit lighter so I'm now reading "The Davinci Code". Yes, ok, so I'm a tad behind the times... But hey, at least I haven't seen the movie yet. I have practiced great restraint, knowing that as with all movies based on books, watching the movie would only destroy the experience of reading the book... and as we all know, the books are always better anyways.
Let's see... what else?
This fall has brought out a different side of me. I have been a tad more quiet lately. A bit more of a loner, which... if you have ever met me is quite odd for me. Most of the time I'm very uncomfortable spending more than short bits of time with myself. They say that you can't truly find happiness in this life until you are able to sit with yourself and just be. I guess I haven't mastered that art because I find myself to be rather sad and yes... even a bit dull.
Still... there are moments when I do find peace with my thoughts. One of those moments was the other day as I was driving home over the weekend. Heading home to enjoy a relaxing afternoon at home. I was driving past this small cemetary in my neighborhood when I noticed a funeral going on.
There was nothing really special about the funeral, although on this particular day, it seemed fascinating to me and I found myself slowing down as I passed by... just so that I could watch this group of complete strangers as they mourned their love one.
I can't quite explain what the cause was, but I felt more calm and content in that moment then I have felt in a long time. It was a tad alarming... mainly because my past was filled with so much fear of death and the unknown abyss that follows, that to find myself being calmed by this scenario was a bit weird.
Could it be that I have made my peace with the inevitable fate that awaits every single one of us? Could be.
Nevertheless... it was a great moment... and as I drove away from the scene and continued on with this little life of mine.... I smiled.
:)
G
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Family Reunion
Once upon a time, there was a normal family... ok, maybe not normal, but as normal as one would hope for a family to be...
Oh sure it was crazy at times. Sometimes we hated one another, and sometimes we wanted to trade one another out with other families we thought were perhaps a bit "cooler" than ours... but for the most part, our family was the family to be a part of... complete with big family dinners, lots of hugs and kisses, and just enough disfunction thrown in to keep things interesting.
That was life growing up for me... It was safe... it was secure... and it was home.
That was 11 years ago...
Since then, the entire concept of family has become completely foreign to me. Looking back on my childhood memories, most of the time it feels as if they aren't even mine... as if I'm dreaming the life of someone I once knew or read about once or saw in one of those cheesy movies that somehow always concluded with a happy ending.
Could it be that these memories actually belong to me?
My experience of "Family" since then is very different now. I do catch glimpses of it on occasion. Usually it's when I'm with my friends and I'm watching the interaction between them and their loved ones...
Being invited to join in on the special holiday dinners where the whole family gets together and laughs about Uncle John's impeccable timing when it came to bodily noises or reminisces aabout holidays of old while playing cards and sipping hot apple cider.
Watching a mom look upon her son with such love and concern, knowing that her role is so different now that he is all grown up and completely in control of his own life. Observing as she fights back the urge to grab him into her arms and just hold him to her in that special place where nothing can hurt him... nothing can break his heart... where she can wipe the tears away... kiss the bumps and bruises, and all the pain just disappears into that place where all fears and childhood monsters go when moms are around.
I have found through the years that these types of experiences bring up this weird sense of fear in me and I become completely uncomfortable around it. It's as if I have this unspoken dread that if I was to truly open up and allow myself to relish in these "family moments" (even though not my own)... that in some way, I would betray these ancient memories of the family I once knew... the ghosts of my past.
I have succeeded (for the most part) at shoving most of these feelings under the rug. After all, I'm the grown up now, with my own kids. Now the priority for me is to give my children the family that I know I will never again experience in my own life... and it works... for the majority of the time.
That is... until the past comes rushing back to me and I'm forced once again to deal with it face to face.
This week, on their way back to our home town to attend a family member's graduation, my estranged parents and sisters decided to stop in to see the only grandkids they know. This of course means that they will inevitably have to interact with two of the three children that they have removed completely from their life (I believe the term they used long ago was that we were "dead" in their eyes).
It was a minor inconvenience that was easily managed by making us feel like total shit while they played with the kids and spoiled them with all the great things that grandparents can get away with giving to their grandkids when they know they don't have to deal with them during the nightly bedtime ritual that only happens once they are long gone.
As I sat there that evening, watching my children interact with their Grandparents and Aunties, FROM ACROSS THE RESTAURANT (Apparently there is a "No Eat" rule when dealing with "Dead" children)... watching these people who have become all but strangers to me, play innocently with my kids as though the world was nothing less than perfect, I started to realize how disrespectful the entire situation was... and I actually felt furious... not so much that it was happening... but more at the fact that I had allowed it to happen! ONCE AGAIN!
Sitting here writing this, even now, I have all these great ideas about what I should have said to them... all the smart remarks I could have made to the brother-in-law that I have never "officially" met, who spent the entire visit glaring at me from a distance. All the smart retorts I could have made in response to my fathers insistent rants about "The Truth" and the scriptural principles that allow them to act the way they do with us... and of course, no visit would be complete without bringing up that at one point I too had knowledge of these principles... silly me... I forgot that verse in Psalms where it states "Thou shall not break bread with sinners". (ARE YOU SENSING THE SARCASM HERE???)
But no matter how much I plan on saying... no matter how much I psyche myself up to tell them where they can shove their biblical principles... I find myself completely shut down and withdrawn from them and the entire situation altogether.
At this point in my life, I have become completely numb to them... so much in fact, that after all was said and done, and my father was hugging me and kissing me on the cheek... whispering "I Love You" in my ear... I could say nothing.
No I love you... No "FUCK YOU DAD!"... Nothing...
At this point in the story I'm sure you are wondering to yourself why anyone in the world would put up with such madness? Why I didn't stand up for myself and make them pay the consequences for their rediculous belief systems? WHY? WHY? WHY?
The only answer I have lies HERE
As I watched the joy that went through my kids faces... and the joy felt by these people who were once my entire world... my everything... I cannot imagine myself saying no to it.
After all... for better or worse... We Are Family
Oh sure it was crazy at times. Sometimes we hated one another, and sometimes we wanted to trade one another out with other families we thought were perhaps a bit "cooler" than ours... but for the most part, our family was the family to be a part of... complete with big family dinners, lots of hugs and kisses, and just enough disfunction thrown in to keep things interesting.
That was life growing up for me... It was safe... it was secure... and it was home.
That was 11 years ago...
Since then, the entire concept of family has become completely foreign to me. Looking back on my childhood memories, most of the time it feels as if they aren't even mine... as if I'm dreaming the life of someone I once knew or read about once or saw in one of those cheesy movies that somehow always concluded with a happy ending.
Could it be that these memories actually belong to me?
My experience of "Family" since then is very different now. I do catch glimpses of it on occasion. Usually it's when I'm with my friends and I'm watching the interaction between them and their loved ones...
Being invited to join in on the special holiday dinners where the whole family gets together and laughs about Uncle John's impeccable timing when it came to bodily noises or reminisces aabout holidays of old while playing cards and sipping hot apple cider.
Watching a mom look upon her son with such love and concern, knowing that her role is so different now that he is all grown up and completely in control of his own life. Observing as she fights back the urge to grab him into her arms and just hold him to her in that special place where nothing can hurt him... nothing can break his heart... where she can wipe the tears away... kiss the bumps and bruises, and all the pain just disappears into that place where all fears and childhood monsters go when moms are around.
I have found through the years that these types of experiences bring up this weird sense of fear in me and I become completely uncomfortable around it. It's as if I have this unspoken dread that if I was to truly open up and allow myself to relish in these "family moments" (even though not my own)... that in some way, I would betray these ancient memories of the family I once knew... the ghosts of my past.
I have succeeded (for the most part) at shoving most of these feelings under the rug. After all, I'm the grown up now, with my own kids. Now the priority for me is to give my children the family that I know I will never again experience in my own life... and it works... for the majority of the time.
That is... until the past comes rushing back to me and I'm forced once again to deal with it face to face.
This week, on their way back to our home town to attend a family member's graduation, my estranged parents and sisters decided to stop in to see the only grandkids they know. This of course means that they will inevitably have to interact with two of the three children that they have removed completely from their life (I believe the term they used long ago was that we were "dead" in their eyes).
It was a minor inconvenience that was easily managed by making us feel like total shit while they played with the kids and spoiled them with all the great things that grandparents can get away with giving to their grandkids when they know they don't have to deal with them during the nightly bedtime ritual that only happens once they are long gone.
As I sat there that evening, watching my children interact with their Grandparents and Aunties, FROM ACROSS THE RESTAURANT (Apparently there is a "No Eat" rule when dealing with "Dead" children)... watching these people who have become all but strangers to me, play innocently with my kids as though the world was nothing less than perfect, I started to realize how disrespectful the entire situation was... and I actually felt furious... not so much that it was happening... but more at the fact that I had allowed it to happen! ONCE AGAIN!
Sitting here writing this, even now, I have all these great ideas about what I should have said to them... all the smart remarks I could have made to the brother-in-law that I have never "officially" met, who spent the entire visit glaring at me from a distance. All the smart retorts I could have made in response to my fathers insistent rants about "The Truth" and the scriptural principles that allow them to act the way they do with us... and of course, no visit would be complete without bringing up that at one point I too had knowledge of these principles... silly me... I forgot that verse in Psalms where it states "Thou shall not break bread with sinners". (ARE YOU SENSING THE SARCASM HERE???)
But no matter how much I plan on saying... no matter how much I psyche myself up to tell them where they can shove their biblical principles... I find myself completely shut down and withdrawn from them and the entire situation altogether.
At this point in my life, I have become completely numb to them... so much in fact, that after all was said and done, and my father was hugging me and kissing me on the cheek... whispering "I Love You" in my ear... I could say nothing.
No I love you... No "FUCK YOU DAD!"... Nothing...
At this point in the story I'm sure you are wondering to yourself why anyone in the world would put up with such madness? Why I didn't stand up for myself and make them pay the consequences for their rediculous belief systems? WHY? WHY? WHY?
The only answer I have lies HERE
As I watched the joy that went through my kids faces... and the joy felt by these people who were once my entire world... my everything... I cannot imagine myself saying no to it.
After all... for better or worse... We Are Family
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Things Left Unsaid...
So the other day, at the end of a rather stressful work week, and after a flood of climactic events that left me feeling ready to run from the building never to return, I found myself in a conference room, in a full on rant with the Manager of the project I have been spending the majority of my waking hours working on.
It's funny, he had initially asked to talk to me about the events to make sure I understood what had occurred and to make sure I was alright about everything...
As you can imagine, my initial reaction to the discussion was to carry on in a politically correct manner and just do the typical nod and smile and blow it off as if everything was great. Knowing full well that my every facial gesture, and the fact that I was visibly upset to the point of tears had completely betrayed my pathetic attempts.
The reality is... I was completely out of line... I knew it... He knew it... and yet, once I started, I could not stop until it was all out there on the table.
In all honesty, it was one of the more refreshing moments I have experienced in the corporate world up to this point. Along with that it was probably the most terrifying one as well... So terrifying in fact, that I spent most of the weekend wondering if I would even have a job come Monday morning.
However, Monday came and went, and I worked from home... hoping to avoid any initial ugliness that was to come my way. By Tuesday, I had determined that I would try to make the best of the situation, apologize for being so brash with him, and hopefully preserve the relationship between development and QA enough to make it through this project.
During the course of the discussion, he proceeded to tell me that the thing that affected him most about our conversation, wasn't so much the things that I said to him (although they did play a part)... but that I had initially refused to share with him my true feelings. That I would have walked out of that room without telling him what I truly thought.
It wasn't until then that I started to get a clear picture the situation, as well as the roles we both played in it.
At that moment... for possibly the first time since I had started working for this company, I saw this Manager as a human being... an actual person... flesh and blood, with the same fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities that we all feel on a daily basis but most often hide from each other as we go about our daily lives.
Since that day, that discussion keeps going through my mind over and over, and I can't help but wonder, if through all of our hiding... and the fronts we try to put on, if abiding by the law of political correctness and the things better left unsaid, we are actually hurting one another, and ourselves more then if we were to be completely up front and honest.
I can think of several instances recently where, because of some insecurity, or fear, I have kept quiet the things rolling through my head. Most often with those I care most about.
Granted, I have tried to be more open with the people around me... almost to a fault. In fact, some people think that I'm almost too open. As "Sex and the City" so gracefully put it, I tend to be emotionally slutty with the people I care most about.
I guess the question that keeps going through my head is...
Do people deep down really want to know the full truth? Or is the truth too often to much to take?
What about me? If I could know the full truth, would I really want to know... and could I handle it?
Oh well, I guess it is somewhat relative to whatever situation one is dealing with. Perhaps, as with most things in life, the right answer is completely dependent on the situation it's relating to.
I know that in matters of professionalism, there is such a thing as too much honesty... even though this experience has allowed me to relax a little on that... however, it does make me think about the other aspects of my life... particularly those that deal with the matters of the heart.
It's funny, he had initially asked to talk to me about the events to make sure I understood what had occurred and to make sure I was alright about everything...
As you can imagine, my initial reaction to the discussion was to carry on in a politically correct manner and just do the typical nod and smile and blow it off as if everything was great. Knowing full well that my every facial gesture, and the fact that I was visibly upset to the point of tears had completely betrayed my pathetic attempts.
The fact of the matter is... I'm not a big fan of this guy. I think he treats his team like shit, and I have very little respect for his management style. But there was no way in hell I was going to tell him what I really thought. Hell his own team members even knew better then to mess with the guy.
And yet, what eventually came of the conversation was more than either one of us expected and I eventually did just that.
The reality is... I was completely out of line... I knew it... He knew it... and yet, once I started, I could not stop until it was all out there on the table.
In all honesty, it was one of the more refreshing moments I have experienced in the corporate world up to this point. Along with that it was probably the most terrifying one as well... So terrifying in fact, that I spent most of the weekend wondering if I would even have a job come Monday morning.
However, Monday came and went, and I worked from home... hoping to avoid any initial ugliness that was to come my way. By Tuesday, I had determined that I would try to make the best of the situation, apologize for being so brash with him, and hopefully preserve the relationship between development and QA enough to make it through this project.
During the course of the discussion, he proceeded to tell me that the thing that affected him most about our conversation, wasn't so much the things that I said to him (although they did play a part)... but that I had initially refused to share with him my true feelings. That I would have walked out of that room without telling him what I truly thought.
It wasn't until then that I started to get a clear picture the situation, as well as the roles we both played in it.
At that moment... for possibly the first time since I had started working for this company, I saw this Manager as a human being... an actual person... flesh and blood, with the same fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities that we all feel on a daily basis but most often hide from each other as we go about our daily lives.
Since that day, that discussion keeps going through my mind over and over, and I can't help but wonder, if through all of our hiding... and the fronts we try to put on, if abiding by the law of political correctness and the things better left unsaid, we are actually hurting one another, and ourselves more then if we were to be completely up front and honest.
I can think of several instances recently where, because of some insecurity, or fear, I have kept quiet the things rolling through my head. Most often with those I care most about.
Granted, I have tried to be more open with the people around me... almost to a fault. In fact, some people think that I'm almost too open. As "Sex and the City" so gracefully put it, I tend to be emotionally slutty with the people I care most about.
I guess the question that keeps going through my head is...
Do people deep down really want to know the full truth? Or is the truth too often to much to take?
What about me? If I could know the full truth, would I really want to know... and could I handle it?
Oh well, I guess it is somewhat relative to whatever situation one is dealing with. Perhaps, as with most things in life, the right answer is completely dependent on the situation it's relating to.
I know that in matters of professionalism, there is such a thing as too much honesty... even though this experience has allowed me to relax a little on that... however, it does make me think about the other aspects of my life... particularly those that deal with the matters of the heart.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Celebrations Galore
Well after a long week, I ended up having a great weekend.Ran a 5k and, miracle of all miracles, placed third for my age class. Go figure. I even got a little medal! :)
On top of that, My Gal Pal Michele decided to throw a little get together at her place complete with a great group of people, the most amazing fondue spread I have ever had the pleasure of partaking of, and of course... MARTINIS! :)
Yes, it was a night of laughing... a little bit of crying... and well... I'll stop there...
After all, I could tell you the rest... but then I would have to kill you.
Mua ha ha ha ha! Thanks Michele!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
What Do I Want???
Yes, there it is... the one question to top them all. The one question that is posed so often in life, and yet to have an answer to it seems so out of reach most of the time.
I can't tell you how many times I have been asked that question in my life. From friends, lovers, enemies... and most often, myself. The bit of comedy surrounding this is that of those who have posed this question to me, most of them would tell you that my answer was always the ever so classic Gwen line "I Don't Know". (And yes, for those of you who know me, I know you are snickering as you read this.)
The other side to this is that in all those cases, my answer of "I Don't Know" was truly the most honest answer I had to give ... because in all reality I had absolutely no clue what I wanted.
Looking at where I am now, I realize that I still struggle with the answer to that question... and perhaps I always will. After all, even if I was to know precisely what I want at this very moment, isn't it possible that at some point in the future, whether it be a few minutes from now or years down the road, that the whole concept of "What I Want" will completely change?
So you are probably scratching your head at this point and wondering to yourself, "Dear Lord, What Does She Want?"
And my answer is this....
I want what every woman wants...
World Peace
And... Oh yeah... A man in my life with the looks of Brad Pitt, the understanding of what I really need, and the desire to make my every wish come true...
Uhhh hummm...
OK... Ok... I know it's a little far fetched...
I'm really ok with settling for the Brad Pitt part... (snicker)
So what is it really that I want?
What I can say is this...
I know that I long to be inspired... not just by some cheesy self help book or some sappy movie I watch... but to truly be inspired, by everything... and not just the big things, but by the little things... The smiles from my beautiful kids... the way the air changes when the seasons change... the sound the wind makes as it rustles through the leaves of my trees... absolutely all of it.
I do realize that the only thing keeping me from that is me. Because it's out there... staring me right in the face... shouting at me with everything it's got... but I have to be open to it. I have to be willing to see it... to hear it... and to feel it.
I know that I also long to be inspiring. To be the type of person that touches the lives around me in a way that it makes them long to experience life to the fullest. I think about so many people who have inspired me in my life...each one in their own way. Some of them I have known for years... others perhaps I know only from a meeting of eyes as we crossed in a crowded place, or as I watched them perform some small miracle that, most of the time, would be completely overlooked.
Perhaps it's not so complex as it seems... perhaps the answers to life really are as simple as just opening one's eyes to the beauty that surrounds each and every one of us every moment of the day.
I can't tell you how many times I have been asked that question in my life. From friends, lovers, enemies... and most often, myself. The bit of comedy surrounding this is that of those who have posed this question to me, most of them would tell you that my answer was always the ever so classic Gwen line "I Don't Know". (And yes, for those of you who know me, I know you are snickering as you read this.)
The other side to this is that in all those cases, my answer of "I Don't Know" was truly the most honest answer I had to give ... because in all reality I had absolutely no clue what I wanted.
Looking at where I am now, I realize that I still struggle with the answer to that question... and perhaps I always will. After all, even if I was to know precisely what I want at this very moment, isn't it possible that at some point in the future, whether it be a few minutes from now or years down the road, that the whole concept of "What I Want" will completely change?
So you are probably scratching your head at this point and wondering to yourself, "Dear Lord, What Does She Want?"
And my answer is this....
I want what every woman wants...
World Peace
And... Oh yeah... A man in my life with the looks of Brad Pitt, the understanding of what I really need, and the desire to make my every wish come true...
Uhhh hummm...
OK... Ok... I know it's a little far fetched...
I'm really ok with settling for the Brad Pitt part... (snicker)
So what is it really that I want?
What I can say is this...
I know that I long to be inspired... not just by some cheesy self help book or some sappy movie I watch... but to truly be inspired, by everything... and not just the big things, but by the little things... The smiles from my beautiful kids... the way the air changes when the seasons change... the sound the wind makes as it rustles through the leaves of my trees... absolutely all of it.
I do realize that the only thing keeping me from that is me. Because it's out there... staring me right in the face... shouting at me with everything it's got... but I have to be open to it. I have to be willing to see it... to hear it... and to feel it.
I know that I also long to be inspiring. To be the type of person that touches the lives around me in a way that it makes them long to experience life to the fullest. I think about so many people who have inspired me in my life...each one in their own way. Some of them I have known for years... others perhaps I know only from a meeting of eyes as we crossed in a crowded place, or as I watched them perform some small miracle that, most of the time, would be completely overlooked.
Perhaps it's not so complex as it seems... perhaps the answers to life really are as simple as just opening one's eyes to the beauty that surrounds each and every one of us every moment of the day.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
What To Do...
I could try to tell you what I'm feeling today
But it would only chase you away
... and by the time you realize and truly understand
It will be too late
But it would only chase you away
... and by the time you realize and truly understand
It will be too late
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Have I been putting this off????
Perhaps... hmmm... Maybe?... Probably...
Well, ok, so I came home early from work today because we had a massive rain storm and the power went out. Since my livelihood is completely reliant on the ability to work on a computer, it provided the perfect cover for my otherwise very unproductive day.
So here I sit... trying to figure out what to type. Has a lot happened in life? Yeah I guess you could say life has been busy as usual... and I'm sure I could write about a lot... unfortunately, I just haven't been much in the mood to write about it at all.
Maybe it's because I'm just too lazy to take the time to think about it, or perhaps it's a little more difficult to deal with my feelings if I end up having to read them in black and white... regardless as you can see there hasn't been much to read on this blog.
(Twiddling my Thumbs)
I'm 29 now... another year gone. It's hard to look back at this year and be glad with where I am at or be proud of how far I have come. I guess I just don't feel like I have gone anywhere... and in a sense, I am ok with that... well at least to a certain extent.
I'm not quite sure where I'm going in life... and that tends to be a cause of frustration to me. Nothings set in stone. There's not much security there right now... and it's not just relationship wise... although that does play a part. I guess the frustration is because here I am, my entire future ahead of me... for me to take hold of and do with whatever I wish, and all I can find the energy to do with it is to sit back and mope about where I'm at right now. I know I know... doesn't make much sense to me either.
I have a great man in my life... but he's not mine... probably never will be... Or I guess what hurts more than that isn't so much that he won't be mine... but that I'll never be his. Most days, it's really ok, and I love the moments that we do share. But every once in a while, it just hurts.
I missed being single for so long while I was married and here I am... completely single, and all I can do is mope about how I'm single. How pathetic is that? I keep telling myself that I'm a strong woman, and that I don't need any man in my life to make my life complete or make me happy. I convince myself of this on occasion, and for a time, it's ok... but other days... it's just lonely.
It's ok though... I am really trying to break that cycle... Trying to do the "Get the fuck over it" routine with myself and get thinking about something a little more positive in my life.
I'm hoping to get more involved in Abby and Joshie's school this year. So that will be good. I have also recently taken up running. Which is odd to me, since for the most part, running is not something I have enjoyed doing in the past. Lately though, it's provided the perfect opportunity to get outside... get exercising and take a few minutes out of my day to just be with myself... something that has been increasingly difficult for me to do up to now.
Anyways, other than that it's life as normal. Kind of boring I'm sure, but who ever said life was glamorous? ;)
Going out for a run...
CIAO!
Well, ok, so I came home early from work today because we had a massive rain storm and the power went out. Since my livelihood is completely reliant on the ability to work on a computer, it provided the perfect cover for my otherwise very unproductive day.
So here I sit... trying to figure out what to type. Has a lot happened in life? Yeah I guess you could say life has been busy as usual... and I'm sure I could write about a lot... unfortunately, I just haven't been much in the mood to write about it at all.
Maybe it's because I'm just too lazy to take the time to think about it, or perhaps it's a little more difficult to deal with my feelings if I end up having to read them in black and white... regardless as you can see there hasn't been much to read on this blog.
(Twiddling my Thumbs)
I'm 29 now... another year gone. It's hard to look back at this year and be glad with where I am at or be proud of how far I have come. I guess I just don't feel like I have gone anywhere... and in a sense, I am ok with that... well at least to a certain extent.
I'm not quite sure where I'm going in life... and that tends to be a cause of frustration to me. Nothings set in stone. There's not much security there right now... and it's not just relationship wise... although that does play a part. I guess the frustration is because here I am, my entire future ahead of me... for me to take hold of and do with whatever I wish, and all I can find the energy to do with it is to sit back and mope about where I'm at right now. I know I know... doesn't make much sense to me either.
I have a great man in my life... but he's not mine... probably never will be... Or I guess what hurts more than that isn't so much that he won't be mine... but that I'll never be his. Most days, it's really ok, and I love the moments that we do share. But every once in a while, it just hurts.
I missed being single for so long while I was married and here I am... completely single, and all I can do is mope about how I'm single. How pathetic is that? I keep telling myself that I'm a strong woman, and that I don't need any man in my life to make my life complete or make me happy. I convince myself of this on occasion, and for a time, it's ok... but other days... it's just lonely.
It's ok though... I am really trying to break that cycle... Trying to do the "Get the fuck over it" routine with myself and get thinking about something a little more positive in my life.
I'm hoping to get more involved in Abby and Joshie's school this year. So that will be good. I have also recently taken up running. Which is odd to me, since for the most part, running is not something I have enjoyed doing in the past. Lately though, it's provided the perfect opportunity to get outside... get exercising and take a few minutes out of my day to just be with myself... something that has been increasingly difficult for me to do up to now.
Anyways, other than that it's life as normal. Kind of boring I'm sure, but who ever said life was glamorous? ;)
Going out for a run...
CIAO!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
What If?
What If?
What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poet or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in you life
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
- ColdPlay
I go through these moments when the "What Ifs" tend to get the best of me. Right now I feel as if that's especially true.
What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poet or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in you life
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
- ColdPlay
I go through these moments when the "What Ifs" tend to get the best of me. Right now I feel as if that's especially true.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Colors of Pride!
In the sheltered state of Utah, if you haven't had the opportunity to attend Pride I would highly recommend it.
This is one of those moments when you see people at their best... Real... Raw... Dropping the walls of judgement and fear and coming together to celebrate the differences within ourseives and the diversity within the world around us.
One of my top Utah experiences to date! :)
Happy Pride Everyone!
This is one of those moments when you see people at their best... Real... Raw... Dropping the walls of judgement and fear and coming together to celebrate the differences within ourseives and the diversity within the world around us.
One of my top Utah experiences to date! :)
Happy Pride Everyone!
Monday, April 17, 2006
Now if those aren't the best looking kids... :)
There are these perfect moments in life, when I can't help but stare in wonder at these most beautiful and perfect little people that I feel so fortunate to have in my life.
Most often, I find myself learning more about the wonders of life from them then I ever could have imagined... and I can't help but smile.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
It Must Be Spring!
Abby's Spring Performance was tonight...It's amazing to watch her grow before my very eyes. One minute I'm holding her for the first time and the next she is living her own little life.
I'm grateful for every day I have you in my life baby girl
Thursday, April 06, 2006
To K...
Thank you SOOO much...
These came at the most perfect moment, and you'll never know how much it meant.
All My Love,
G
Sunday, March 26, 2006
The One That Got Away
As a girl grows up and continues on through her life... there will inevitably be at least one boy who makes such an impression on her; leaves such a mark in her heart, that she will remember the details of their moments together for the rest of her life.
Thinking back to the last time I saw him all those years ago, it doesn't seem as if he should warrant much thought let alone much emotion. And yet, there are times, when he haunts my dreams to the point where the thought of him resonates in my head for days, perhaps even weeks at a time.
It's not that I long for him or for what might have been necessarily. After all, I don't even know this person anymore. We were both kids at the time. Completely naive about ourselves and our worlds, let alone anything relating to love or relationships.
There is simply this part of me that yearns to know that he has found happiness in his life... or even perhaps, that every once in a while, I might pop into his mind as he does mine. If nothing else, perhaps it's merely a desire to have one last opportunity to share with him the feelings I could not bare to share so long ago.
I dreamt about him again a few weeks ago. It was in the middle of all of the "real life" emotional turmoil that seems to be the norm for me lately, which I'm sure had something to do with it.
I remember speaking to my sister about the dream and almost immediately she piped up with news of him... The first news in 8 years...the news that is always bittersweet when referencing someone who holds a piece of your heart...
He's getting married...
It was bound to happen, but I guess I always thought that I would be completely unaware of the event or anything remotely related to it. Especially with my so called religious "status". Never-the-less here I was hearing it with my very own ears.
Since the day I found out, I have had moments of melancholy as memories have come flooding back of little moments we shared together...the pranks, the laughing, and even some of the most honest talks I had experienced with any member of the opposite sex up to that point. As you might imagine, he's been on my mind a little.
Anyways, the story doesn't end here as you might expect...
The other night as my friends were trying desperately to get me to go out, let loose, and experience SLC nightlife as a single girl, we decided to hit one of the more trendy dance clubs in the downtown area.
Upon arriving at this club, we quickly came to the realization that all of the people attending this particular club that night were under the age of 21 (shudder). In a last minute attempt to find any place remotely close to the $7 parking spaces we had just paid for, we finally agreed on the bar across the street.
We waited our time in line to get into the front door and quickly made our way to the happening spot of the club, which just happened to include two of our favorite things... liquor and dancing. We made our way onto the dance floor and started shaking our groove thing, I began to scan the room and get a sense of my environment.
To give you a mental image of this particular scene... imagine a large two story area, with dance floor in the middle... filled with really horny, skanky women (excluding us of course ;D)... and lots of short (hornier then the women) men... all of whom you are packed in so tightly with that even without any kind of intent involved, you could not help but find yourself grinding with the body behind you.
After a time of pushing away the plethora of short men who were persistently attempting to mount my legs (or any other appendage they could get to), I spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Definitely not the face I would expect to see after midnight in a bar in SLC. In fact, at first I didn't even believe my eyes. But after a few moments, I realized that here in front of me, stood a JW guy I used to hang with back in my more (oh how do I put this?) wholesome days.
It was shocking... and I'm sure that the look on my face resembled one of those "WTF?" expressions. But alas, not something I really wanted to focus my energy on being that I was in a dance club with a number of my very close friends with intent to have a good time. So I let it go and went back to the shaking and grinding and protecting my rear end from the occasional ass slapping that had quickly become the game of the hour.
A few minutes later as I scanned the room again, my eyes wandered up to a spot on the balcony that overlooked the dance floor. There again, I spotted Greg (the JW guy) looking down in our general direction. Not only was he pointing me out to the person standing next to him... but as I looked closer to see if I might recognize this person, I realized that here, in this very club... on this very night... I was looking at the very boy who had haunted my dreams not more then a few weeks before. As you can imagine, my heard skipped more then a couple of beats.
Suddenly, there in the center of the club, it all hit me...
On this night, at this club, I had unknowingly crashed the bachelor party of one of the few JW boys I had ever considered interesting enough to date, possibly even settle down with. The one boy that, to this day, I still feel the need to keep pictures of.
I didn't know whether to be completely mortified or excited. In all honesty, I was feeling a bit of both. Yet, even though I had thought about the possibility of this moment happening off and on for the past 8 years, I still could not find the strength or the courage within myself to walk up to him merely to say Hi and wish him marital bliss.
Here he was, standing in front of me, within arms distance on that dance floor but I couldn't even gather enough courage to say "Hey". I had nothing to lose! Yet, in those moments, I watched him walk by... and away... and I said absolutely nothing... just as I had done 8 years ago as he walked out of my life and onto a path that lead in a very different direction from my own... not realizing that with him, he carried a small piece of my heart with him.
And now, as I sit here and write this, and think about it all in retrospect, I can't help but wonder... Are moments like these, really just a big coincidence? Is the universe trying to tell me something that I continually seem to miss? Or is it merely that whatever and whoever this God person is just happens to have a most wicked and sick sense of humor?
I'm sure there are no answers to be had, and I will live another day shaking my head in disbelief that these types of things occur in my life. I'm really ok with that. It does make life a bit more interesting to have a bit of mystery about.
Jer, I know that you will never read this, and I will never know whether or not you have thought of me, as I have thought of you... But if I never again get the opportunity to speak these words in person to you... I wish you nothing but the most happiness that this world has to offer you...
You will always hold a special place in my heart.
;)
Thinking back to the last time I saw him all those years ago, it doesn't seem as if he should warrant much thought let alone much emotion. And yet, there are times, when he haunts my dreams to the point where the thought of him resonates in my head for days, perhaps even weeks at a time.
It's not that I long for him or for what might have been necessarily. After all, I don't even know this person anymore. We were both kids at the time. Completely naive about ourselves and our worlds, let alone anything relating to love or relationships.
There is simply this part of me that yearns to know that he has found happiness in his life... or even perhaps, that every once in a while, I might pop into his mind as he does mine. If nothing else, perhaps it's merely a desire to have one last opportunity to share with him the feelings I could not bare to share so long ago.
I dreamt about him again a few weeks ago. It was in the middle of all of the "real life" emotional turmoil that seems to be the norm for me lately, which I'm sure had something to do with it.
I remember speaking to my sister about the dream and almost immediately she piped up with news of him... The first news in 8 years...the news that is always bittersweet when referencing someone who holds a piece of your heart...
He's getting married...
It was bound to happen, but I guess I always thought that I would be completely unaware of the event or anything remotely related to it. Especially with my so called religious "status". Never-the-less here I was hearing it with my very own ears.
Since the day I found out, I have had moments of melancholy as memories have come flooding back of little moments we shared together...the pranks, the laughing, and even some of the most honest talks I had experienced with any member of the opposite sex up to that point. As you might imagine, he's been on my mind a little.
Anyways, the story doesn't end here as you might expect...
The other night as my friends were trying desperately to get me to go out, let loose, and experience SLC nightlife as a single girl, we decided to hit one of the more trendy dance clubs in the downtown area.
Upon arriving at this club, we quickly came to the realization that all of the people attending this particular club that night were under the age of 21 (shudder). In a last minute attempt to find any place remotely close to the $7 parking spaces we had just paid for, we finally agreed on the bar across the street.
We waited our time in line to get into the front door and quickly made our way to the happening spot of the club, which just happened to include two of our favorite things... liquor and dancing. We made our way onto the dance floor and started shaking our groove thing, I began to scan the room and get a sense of my environment.
To give you a mental image of this particular scene... imagine a large two story area, with dance floor in the middle... filled with really horny, skanky women (excluding us of course ;D)... and lots of short (hornier then the women) men... all of whom you are packed in so tightly with that even without any kind of intent involved, you could not help but find yourself grinding with the body behind you.
After a time of pushing away the plethora of short men who were persistently attempting to mount my legs (or any other appendage they could get to), I spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Definitely not the face I would expect to see after midnight in a bar in SLC. In fact, at first I didn't even believe my eyes. But after a few moments, I realized that here in front of me, stood a JW guy I used to hang with back in my more (oh how do I put this?) wholesome days.
It was shocking... and I'm sure that the look on my face resembled one of those "WTF?" expressions. But alas, not something I really wanted to focus my energy on being that I was in a dance club with a number of my very close friends with intent to have a good time. So I let it go and went back to the shaking and grinding and protecting my rear end from the occasional ass slapping that had quickly become the game of the hour.
A few minutes later as I scanned the room again, my eyes wandered up to a spot on the balcony that overlooked the dance floor. There again, I spotted Greg (the JW guy) looking down in our general direction. Not only was he pointing me out to the person standing next to him... but as I looked closer to see if I might recognize this person, I realized that here, in this very club... on this very night... I was looking at the very boy who had haunted my dreams not more then a few weeks before. As you can imagine, my heard skipped more then a couple of beats.
Suddenly, there in the center of the club, it all hit me...
On this night, at this club, I had unknowingly crashed the bachelor party of one of the few JW boys I had ever considered interesting enough to date, possibly even settle down with. The one boy that, to this day, I still feel the need to keep pictures of.
I didn't know whether to be completely mortified or excited. In all honesty, I was feeling a bit of both. Yet, even though I had thought about the possibility of this moment happening off and on for the past 8 years, I still could not find the strength or the courage within myself to walk up to him merely to say Hi and wish him marital bliss.
Here he was, standing in front of me, within arms distance on that dance floor but I couldn't even gather enough courage to say "Hey". I had nothing to lose! Yet, in those moments, I watched him walk by... and away... and I said absolutely nothing... just as I had done 8 years ago as he walked out of my life and onto a path that lead in a very different direction from my own... not realizing that with him, he carried a small piece of my heart with him.
And now, as I sit here and write this, and think about it all in retrospect, I can't help but wonder... Are moments like these, really just a big coincidence? Is the universe trying to tell me something that I continually seem to miss? Or is it merely that whatever and whoever this God person is just happens to have a most wicked and sick sense of humor?
I'm sure there are no answers to be had, and I will live another day shaking my head in disbelief that these types of things occur in my life. I'm really ok with that. It does make life a bit more interesting to have a bit of mystery about.
Jer, I know that you will never read this, and I will never know whether or not you have thought of me, as I have thought of you... But if I never again get the opportunity to speak these words in person to you... I wish you nothing but the most happiness that this world has to offer you...
You will always hold a special place in my heart.
;)
Saturday, March 18, 2006
There are times in life, when I just can't tell which way is up... and no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get a handle on things.
I must admit, I haven't handled things all that well lately. In fact, to put it bluntly... I have been a blubbering mess! Some days, I get angry and stubborn and just want to tell the entire world to go to hell... and then there are others when I just feel like falling asleep and never waking up. To be honest, I have become quite intolerable... even to myself.
I consider myself to be a pretty strong and independent woman. However, (and this may come as a shock to some of you... ha ha!) I do have a long list of weaknesses that tend to rear their ugly heads on occasion (or perhaps more often then I care to admit).
I am absolutely horrible at being alone. I am very uncomfortable being by myself. Perhaps this stems from growing up in a family of seven and not having much alone time... or perhaps (and this is probably a little closer to the truth) it's merely that I'm terrified to be alone with myself and my thoughts. With no distractions to keep my focus on, I'm forced to pay attention to the little voices in my head and the inner dialogs that occur. Or maybe it's not so much the thoughts as it is the feelings. Having to deal with the feelings of anger... or the feelings of loneliness (which ironically seems to be there regardless of how many people around around)... or even the feelings of heart break. Who wants to dwell on those when you can crack a funny joke or laugh with the ones you care about?
The funny thing is, one of my other biggest weaknesses is my inability to let go. As I write this, I can't help but wonder if the two are related. If I actually forced myself to face those feelings... then more then likely I would be able to let go of the things causing them. And yet, I'm not so sure if I'm ready to do that.
What is it that I'm so afraid of? Is the prospect of letting go and moving on and living a great life that terrifying? Why do I do this to myself?
I must admit, I haven't handled things all that well lately. In fact, to put it bluntly... I have been a blubbering mess! Some days, I get angry and stubborn and just want to tell the entire world to go to hell... and then there are others when I just feel like falling asleep and never waking up. To be honest, I have become quite intolerable... even to myself.
I consider myself to be a pretty strong and independent woman. However, (and this may come as a shock to some of you... ha ha!) I do have a long list of weaknesses that tend to rear their ugly heads on occasion (or perhaps more often then I care to admit).
I am absolutely horrible at being alone. I am very uncomfortable being by myself. Perhaps this stems from growing up in a family of seven and not having much alone time... or perhaps (and this is probably a little closer to the truth) it's merely that I'm terrified to be alone with myself and my thoughts. With no distractions to keep my focus on, I'm forced to pay attention to the little voices in my head and the inner dialogs that occur. Or maybe it's not so much the thoughts as it is the feelings. Having to deal with the feelings of anger... or the feelings of loneliness (which ironically seems to be there regardless of how many people around around)... or even the feelings of heart break. Who wants to dwell on those when you can crack a funny joke or laugh with the ones you care about?
The funny thing is, one of my other biggest weaknesses is my inability to let go. As I write this, I can't help but wonder if the two are related. If I actually forced myself to face those feelings... then more then likely I would be able to let go of the things causing them. And yet, I'm not so sure if I'm ready to do that.
What is it that I'm so afraid of? Is the prospect of letting go and moving on and living a great life that terrifying? Why do I do this to myself?
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
This Too Shall Pass...
That statement used to bring me comfort... it used to remind me that no matter how violent or dark the storm may be, that there is always sunshine waiting on the other side... another day... another moment to look forward to. In fact, for those who know me I have probably even tried to convince them of this fact on one or more occasions.
This past year was filled with so many changes in my life. It's as if there is barely a trace of the life I once led, and although I'd like to think that what I have replaced it with is more fulfilling and happy, there are moments when I'm not so sure it is.
I don't regret the decisions I have made, or the paths that I have taken. I'm thankful for each one and the different things I have been able to experience along the way. But today as I ponder all of it, I realize that at this very moment I'm just tired. So exhausted in fact that I'm not necessarily even sure that this will pass.
It seems that every time I get through one rough time... there is always another one waiting for me on the other side. Is this really how life should be? Should life, love and the pursuit of happiness really be this difficult? Or am I pursuing something completely unattainable?
This past year was filled with so many changes in my life. It's as if there is barely a trace of the life I once led, and although I'd like to think that what I have replaced it with is more fulfilling and happy, there are moments when I'm not so sure it is.
I don't regret the decisions I have made, or the paths that I have taken. I'm thankful for each one and the different things I have been able to experience along the way. But today as I ponder all of it, I realize that at this very moment I'm just tired. So exhausted in fact that I'm not necessarily even sure that this will pass.
It seems that every time I get through one rough time... there is always another one waiting for me on the other side. Is this really how life should be? Should life, love and the pursuit of happiness really be this difficult? Or am I pursuing something completely unattainable?
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Another Year Passed and Another Year Gained...
Sitting down and thinking about the past year has been a bit bittersweet. The year began with a new job, a new relationship and a lot of promise.
As the year passed, some friends were lost... and others were gained. It became a year of letting go and of acceptance of what is... in life, in the people around me and most importantly, in myself.
The selling of our house marked the end of one life and the beginning of another. Which admittedly has been a bit unsettling for everyone involved and I think the hardest thing is to watch the affects on the kids. They are tough little munchkins, but I can tell they are a little uneasy without having a place to call their own.
We talk a lot about finding a new place to live and how our search will not end until we have found the perfect place... complete with a back yard. :)
At the end of this year, I look back and realize that although it has been tumultuous... along with Tumult comes growth and I find that when it's all said and done, I must be thankful for where I'm at today and for the journey that keeps on going.
I am also so grateful for the people in my life who have been there through it all, to share in the good times and cry through the hard times... and even give me the occasional push when I have needed a swift kick to the ass. To those of you I call my friends, I thank you for all you have added to my life.
And in honor of the closing of one year and the start of a new one...
"Live life, Love Much, Laugh Often!"
Happy New Year Everyone
As the year passed, some friends were lost... and others were gained. It became a year of letting go and of acceptance of what is... in life, in the people around me and most importantly, in myself.
The selling of our house marked the end of one life and the beginning of another. Which admittedly has been a bit unsettling for everyone involved and I think the hardest thing is to watch the affects on the kids. They are tough little munchkins, but I can tell they are a little uneasy without having a place to call their own.
We talk a lot about finding a new place to live and how our search will not end until we have found the perfect place... complete with a back yard. :)
At the end of this year, I look back and realize that although it has been tumultuous... along with Tumult comes growth and I find that when it's all said and done, I must be thankful for where I'm at today and for the journey that keeps on going.
I am also so grateful for the people in my life who have been there through it all, to share in the good times and cry through the hard times... and even give me the occasional push when I have needed a swift kick to the ass. To those of you I call my friends, I thank you for all you have added to my life.
And in honor of the closing of one year and the start of a new one...
"Live life, Love Much, Laugh Often!"
Happy New Year Everyone
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